Part of mindfulness, is to accept life for what it is. Often we are told when it comes to our mental health, to come to terms with our lives as they are, to not get down about what we are lacking in life. Although this is true, we should be accepting of our lives and how they are now, it doesn’t mean you can’t dream.
When I was in the darkest days of my anxiety, I would never dream of things in my future. Of course I wanted my life to change. But there was a huge difference. Wishing for change, and dreaming for change and taking action to change your life is entirely different. The first one will put you in a low mood which is hard to escape, whereas the second will give you the motivation to dream and change your life for the better.
What type of things can you make positive steps towards?
You could be dreaming of anything.. but the key is not to obsess over it and base your happiness with it. Learn to be happy in the moment, to accept your life as it is. You will not become happier when you achieve your goals, but you will expand your life, perhaps feel more accomplished and more confident. Happiness doesn’t last… it’s a feeling that comes and goes. So learn to be happy now.
You can make positive steps towards a variety of things. Here’s my list:
1. I’d love to lose weight. I won’t be happier when it happens but I will feel more confident in my own skin, so I have started calorie counting and I need to make healthy small changes each week. This way I’m more likely to stick to it rather than a crash diet.
2. I wouldn’t have nerves and anxieties and all of the physical symptoms that come with it. I, of course, hate that I suffer with anxiety and get nervous about the smallest of situations. So yes, I would love to change this. But ultimately, as I work on myself all the time and bit by bit, this area of my life does become easier.
3. Get back into driving. Those who know me well, know how much I’d love to get back into driving and be confident again. I know this is a case of mind over matter. I won’t be happier if I could drive, but I certainly would be proud of myself and it would make my life easier. That is why this is a goal I will work on in the long run, but I only have to do it for myself and no one else.
4. Be more independent. At times I worry that I’m too reliant on other people. Not just physically, but mentally, I am always seeking reassurance from others. I need to gain confidence and be more independent. This wouldn’t make me happier, but it would be a positive step for self development.
So these are four things that I feel would better my life. I know I won’t be happier, but they are goals I have for myself for my future. When you face a list of goals, at times it can be overwhelming. But you have to look back before you look forward. Look at how far you’ve come so far. These are goals of mine from the past to show you what I mean;
5. I used to feel like I wanted a job writing from home. For me it was always my dream to be a writer and I wanted a job that would fit around my children but also allow me to cope easier with my anxieties. I have managed to achieve that. I pinch myself everyday that I am here, earning a living writing for others. It hasn’t been an easy journey and I have pushed myself to my limits, but it has been worth it. This really is proof of working hard to achieve a goal and a dream.
2. I have always suffered with bad knees, I wanted to have less achy knees. I was given two surgeries for my knees and although they do still ache on and off, they are nothing like they used to be. The surgery was scary and was a leap of faith but I’m glad to have done it. When they ache now I know they’re not as bad. I also know exercises I can do to help further strengthen them.
3. I wanted to worry less about my social life. I wanted to be confident in the friends I saw- I have achieved that. It took some time but I realised how important it was to let go of those who caused me distress and hurt. I had to focus on the friends who made an effort and learn to play the tennis game. This was hard to start with, but now I am truly lucky to have a group of supportive friends around me, and I know these are the best ones for me.
I have had to push myself out of my comfort zone in order to grow. It’s been hard and you really need to be patient, progress doesn’t happen easily or over night. However, you can put your mind to it and set small goals in order to achieve growth.
There are things I have changed in my life over the past few years for the better and I am so proud of myself for that. However, there are still things I’d change. In the mean time though, I am grateful for life as it is right now and I am happy and content. Going forward I will still push myself and try and achieve these new goals too.
What changes would you like to make in your life going forward?