How to Focus on What You CAN Control

Life has definitely thrown us a curveball. If you’re anything like me, change can be scary and difficult to manage. I hate change, and I always try to resist against it. I know how wrong this is- I have learnt over the years that it’s much better to ride the waves of life.

When you resist change, it’s like fighting for your life against a current, only to get swamped under the weight of the water anyway. When you learn to get up on that surfboard, the changes become easier to go with. It’s all about focusing on what you CAN control. So how do we do this?

Sift through your worries

Start taking control by taming your worries. To do that you need to name them to tame them. Have you ever tried worry time before? If not, I urge you to do this. Check out my blog post on worry time here.

After you have gotten your worries sorted between those you can do something about and the hypothetical ones. You then need to learn to let go of the ones you have no control over. Just let them be. Acknowledge that you’re worried about them but let them drift away.

Instead of worrying about what you can’t control, spend some time planning achievable goals and milestones to tackle the practical worries you do have.

Don’t resist the waves of change

If you resist change, the results are that you won’t stop it, but what you will do is end up being swept away by the current. The change will happen anyway. The popular saying, “go with the flow” hasn’t been passed around lightly. To go with the flow means to ebb and flow with the changes around you, don’t resist them. Embrace them.

Life would be dull in some ways without any changes, and changes certainly give us opportunities for us to grow. Think of all the changes in your past; they led to where you are now, which is exactly where you’re meant to be. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

You just have to trust in the process.

For every change, find room to grow

Instead of resisting change each time, think about the situation you’re in and think of ways in which you can grow from it. How can you adapt to the change? How can you create the silver lining in the new way of your life?

If we stay stagnant, we never grow, we become comfortable. It’s good to grow as a person and learning should never stop.

When looking to what others are doing, there is one thing you MUST remember- you can not control what others do. You can only control your own thoughts and actions. If you disagree with someone’s choices, it’s best to just let them get on with it. We are all on our own pathways so don’t try to change or influence another’s choices. They have to do their own thing. Focus on your own pathway.

Focus on what you CAN control in each and every situation

What CAN you do? Can you ensure that you are taking care of yourself well in terms of eating and exercising? Can you ensure you are having time for yourself to relax and rest? Are you able to talk to a friend or family about your worries?

Think of all the positives and what you can control. That’s all you can do.

Remember that you can only control your own situation and choices too. Don’t punish others for their own moves. Just focus on your own destination.

If you have a friend who doesn’t make any effort- what can you do? You can’t force them to text but what you CAN do is make your effort to them and wait patiently for a reply- focus on something else in the mean time.

You can’t control someone breaking a rule, but you can stick to them.

You can’t control someone else’s rudeness, but you can control your own kindness.

You can’t control someone making a terrible mistake- but you can control making a terrible mistake by voicing an opinion that may hurt them.

It’s time to go with the flow….

I hope that this blog post has given you inspiration to ‘go with the flow’ and stop resisting change. The key is to focus on what you CAN control. Stay strong. You’ve got this.

Why not read my blog post all about the toughest times in my life and how it led me to where I am today? It’s proof that although change can suck, it often shapes our future.

Coming to terms with lockdown life….

These are strange times that we are living in now. “Normal” life as we know it has been paused and we are having to get to know a new normal; lockdown life. To begin with, I really struggled with this. I cried a lot.

Having never been a fan of change,  everything was changing. I really hope that we never have to go through something like this ever again. The initial days were like an apocalypse movie. Shops were shut down all around us, as well as cafes, restaurants and pubs. Life was halting. It didn’t sit well with me and it created a wave of changes all around me.

Then my children stopped going to school and I was suddenly thrust into this new funk. I now juggle homeschooling whilst working from home. I have been working from home for the last year, but not with children surrounding me all day. The change has been difficult to adapt to.

I hated the thought of not being able to see my friends or family. To not be able to take my children to the park. To not pop into Costa for a brief catch up with a friend in-between clients, emerging from it’s burgundy shop smelling like strong delicious coffee. It’s difficult to think that for the foreseeable future that my children will be home with me, relying on me to keep them stimulated and to not get that all-important alone time I had gotten used to. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my boys, but I also need space and time alone sometimes.

Slowly, but steadily, I have gotten used to this new way of life. Well, as much as I can do. I am trying to implement a little routine into our lives, so that the boys can still do some school work whilst I can continue to do what work I do have on. Somehow, the days go by quickly. The weeks are going by quickly.

Now we are almost three months into this new life.

“Normal” life seems a lifetime ago. And I am not sure how we are going to get back to it. Will it be done steadily? Or will there be a rush back to it? No one knows.

All I do know is that I will never take anything in life for granted again. A simple trip to the supermarket, or coffee out with a friend. To book a table at a restaurant or shake someone’s hand. Never again will I overlook these simple incredible things.

I have felt a sense of surreal wash over me the past few weeks, and not necessarily a bad surreal. Things are quite calm at home, there is no rush of life currently. We are just taking a day at a time. I don’t want to forget this feeling. Just living moment by moment, day by day.

As much as I want “normal” life to resume, I don’t entirely want to erase the simple feelings from this new experience.

Day by day, that’s the key. Keep busy in terms of filling your day with a mixture of self-care and productivity. Then schedule in calls with family and friends. And spend some time doing absolutely nothing. Because when normal life resumes, those moments will be rare.

How have you got used to this new way of life? 

If you need some ideas on what to do in isolation, check out this post here.

If you would like to read my thoughts on social distancing and mental health, give this a read.

Q and A With Kay; A Rapid Transformation Therapist

Kay Harrington is a rapid transformational therapist in Dorset, UK. Kay kindly gave up some of her time to sit over Zoom and talk to me about RTT; from what it is, the process and what the benefits are. If you are suffering with anxiety, depression or another mental health illness, RTT is a fantastic solution as it helps to tackle the roots and causes of these illnesses. Here is my Q and A with Kay.

What is rapid transformation therapy?

Rapid transformation therapy aka RTT is an award winning therapy developed by the British therapist Marisa Peer. It focuses on eradicating our limiting beliefs that can hold us back in our lives. Through hypnosis, we go back and look at experiences that have affected us often in childhood and begin to understand them. We look at the affect that they’re having on our lives now.

When we understand the limiting beliefs, we are able to change them and install better beliefs that help us live our best lives.

What are limiting beliefs?

Many of our beliefs that we hold as adults were installed by others from the age of zero to seven. These beliefs can become ingrained in us and they might not always serve us very well. My job is to help us delve into those limiting beliefs, how and where we got them and to begin forming and making our own beliefs.

For example, how often growing up did we hear money doesn’t grow on trees? Or we can’t afford that? Or rich people aren’t nice people? These beliefs can limit us hugely in the area of money and success as we can hold onto these throughout our life.

How does RTT work?

Using hypnosis, which is just a lovely relaxing trance that we go into similar to just before we drop off to sleep, we do an RTT session which is about two hours long. In the RTT session we do detective work to find out what beliefs are holding us back in life. We eliminate these beliefs and we install better ones.

During the RTT session, a personalised transformational recording is made and clients listen to this recording every day for 21 days. The recording is about 20 minutes long and this embeds the new beliefs and creates new strong neural pathways within the mind. These new beliefs serve us so much better than the old limiting ones. I am always on hand for 21 days to support and teach individuals techniques to help them going forward.

How long does it take to see results?

This varies from person to person. Many issues are resolved within one to three sessions per issue, (one to three 21 day packages). There are three types of change;

  1. Some people experience instant relief and a feeling of peace
  2. Others are cumulative which happens over the 21 day period
  3. Whereas others can be retroactive. For example, they look back after three months and have a sudden realisation of how much better they feel and how much more they have achieved.

How many times can you go through rapid transformational therapy?

Normally one to three sessions is enough for each issue that somebody has. This is the beauty of this therapy, it stops the need for going every week for months, sometimes years on end to a therapist.

What are the advantages of RTT compared to talk therapy?

Talk therapy most definitely has a place for some individuals and my role is not to denigrate this type of therapy at all. However, what is so unique about RTT is that clarity is gained very quickly on the root cause of the issue and with this clarity it is possible very quickly to repair the situation. It’s not just a sticking plaster, it gets to the root cause of our issues.

Although the initial outlay of RTT is higher, it can save thousands of pounds in weekly visits to a conventional therapist.

Using the hypnosis allows us to access our subconscious mind which has the answers to everything. It is like a tape recorder of our life and by simply asking it, it gives us the answers we need. Hypnosis is deeply relaxing and it helps us bypass that critical chatter we often experience in order to break down any barriers that might prevent us from getting to the root cause.

How can I access RTT?

Have a look on my website Kay Harrington Therapy, or you can find me on LinkedIn.

I do a completely free confidential discovery call in which I can explain more.

Sessions can be carried out via Zoom or in person.

How much will rapid transformational therapy cost?

If you are interested in RTT, check out my website which will show you what’s included in my 21 day package. We can then discuss pricing during our discovery call. This is a completely no obligation call- I will not pressure you at all into signing up for anything but I would love to just discuss your requirements and if I am able to help with your presenting issue.

Unfortunately, I am not able to work with all cases, but I will make you aware of this during our initial discovery call and may be able to direct you to someone who can help.

I hope that this blog has given you some useful information about Rapid Transformational Therapy aka RTT. I was very lucky to get the chance to talk to Kay about this fascinating therapy.

Anxiety and depression can be extremely overwhelming, often we lose hope that we will never feel better about life, or ourselves. If you’re like me, you would have spent a lot of time being very self-critical and not living your best life due to limiting beliefs. It’s time to put a stop to this, to work on ourselves and move forward, free of these beliefs and ready to live a better more fulfilled and anxiety free life.

Have you tried RTT before? If so, what did you think of it? Leave a comment below, we would love to hear from you.

If you would like more guidance on where to start seeking help with anxiety, check out this blog post from the archives. Full of resources, it will give you some ideas on where to seek further help.

If you would like to know more about my own unique journey with anxiety, why not start back at the beginning?

Social Distancing and the Impact on Mental Health

It’s been a few weeks since I last published a blog post for Me Against Myself. I had one lined up as a new blog post, but it’s hardly relevant now. The World as we know it has quite literally been turned upside down. It has affected the lives of so many, if not everyone. We are now effectively in ‘Lock-down’ in the UK. Now this is affecting many aspects of our lives and our freedom is the main element. But also social distancing is having a huge impact on our mental health.

Worrying and Anxious Thoughts

I don’t know about you, but I have had a bucket load of worrying and anxious thoughts. I feel like the vast majority are in the same boat here, we are worrying about the coronavirus itself and either ourselves or our families getting infected. But also, worrying about the impact this social distancing and lock down may have on us financially. Many of us will see our employment, or businesses suffer due to the current situation.

We may also be worrying about food, getting food and the supermarkets potentially having a shortage. In fact, there is just so much you could worry about when it comes to Covid 19.

What can we do about our worries? The main thing to take away here, is that these are unpredident times. No one knows what is happening, or what the future holds. There is so much uncertainty and of course, the climate changes daily. So, it’s almost like having a constant knot in our stomachs waiting for the next wave of news to hit us.

Why not try worry time? No, it won’t take away these worries completely- and they are only natural. BUT it may just help to control them a little bit.

Social Isolation

One of the biggest changes to life is our inability to be social. Now usually we are naturally social beings, however, we are have to put a pause on all social encounters for now. This is obviously for the greater good to help stop the spread of the virus, however it is bound to affect our mental health.

I have always said that a cuppa and talk with a friend does you the world of good. Hugs and warmth from someone else help to comfort you when you’re feeling low are priceless. I have on many occasions cried over the past week, not only because of my worries of the invisible killer, but also at the thought of not being able to see my friends for months.

Never again will I take for granted going for a simple coffee and cake with a friend and discussing life. And what I wouldn’t give to have a girls evening in with one of my best friends, howling with laughter like we usually do. There is so much I wouldn’t take for granted again. Like going on a school run and having that 10 minutes of conversation at the start and end of the day with others.

What can we do about social isolation? Just because we are practising social distance and essentially in a ‘lock down’, it does not mean we need to socially isolate. Keep in touch with loved ones, whether they’re friends or family on social media, by messages or phone calls. I have already Face-timed a friend whilst we both sat, had a drink and caught up. I have also made a phone call at least once a day touching base with friends. At the end of each phone call, my spirits were lifted.

It’s funny, as before this, we had to be careful with social media but yet now social media and our smartphones are our lifeline when it comes to coronavirus. Through them, we can still touch base with friends and family. I encourage you all to regularly call and keep in contact with your friends and family. Before we know it, we will be sipping on a warming mocha and looking into the eyes face to face of those that warm our hearts. Just hold tight for now.

Trapped Inside Our Heads

Not only does the coronavirus lock down mean we will feel trapped inside our homes, but it will also be hugely testing for our mental health. That means that we will also feel trapped inside our heads too.

There is so much more that could cause ourselves low moods, anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. It can exasperate conditions that were already there, even if they were fairly dormant. My anxiety had been the best it had been in years. This has knocked it back ten fold. I have cried more than I think I ever have, and I have a constant knot in my stomach with anxiety.

What can we do about feeling trapped? Keep busy. That is the best way to combat boredom and also dwelling on things. Write lists of things you can do, split them into housework, hobbies, self-care tasks, Spring cleaning tasks and if you have children, home schooling tasks. This will keep you busier than you realise. Keep to some sort of routine, create a loose timetable on what you might do each day. You don’t have to strictly keep to it, but it may help.

Looking for the positives.

Try to see the positives in this unprecedented situation, we all lead such busy lives that often we don’t have the time to pause. I am seeing this as life being paused. Of course I miss my friends, and I am worried about the virus itself. But, maybe being cut off from normal life is just what we all need?

Certainly the environment is managing to heal. The world is having a rest. That’s another positive to take from this.

But asides from that, when was the last time you really took time out- a decent amount of time to spend with your family, or partner? When were you last able to spend time doing your hobbies? NOW is that time.

Self-care can come first. The pause button has been pressed. Now we could sit and dwell on it all, or we can embrace this quiet time. It is time we will never get back again. Once life resumes, we will be so busy- and hopefully mindful of every social interaction we ever encounter again.

How are you coping? Let’s reach out, keep talking and support each other through these testing times.

What Makes You Feel Powerful? Why Power Can Be Okay.

Anxiety has habit of draining our confidence. It can make us feel weak, small and overwhelmed. It’s hard to feel in control at times, when all we want to do is grab our steering wheel in life and be the driver. So, what can make you feel powerful again?

What Is Power?

According to the dictionary, power is ‘the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way‘. Feeling powerful doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, not like when people let ‘power go to their head’. It can give us all the confidence to go and chase our dreams, or accomplish our goals. Those with anxiety very rarely feel powerful. Mostly, they feel overwhelmed. They can feel weak and small.

Now when power goes to your head, it’s a whole different matter. In these circumstances, power is more physical- and this happens to those with money, or in management. Or those with a hold on other people. When you use your physical power against people, this is wrong.

But power doesn’t always have to be bad. Power and feeling powerful can be good for your soul and confidence.

What Makes Your Powerful?

Have a think about what makes you feel powerful, like you can soar or conquer the world. For me it’s these things;

  • I am a Mother
  • I have a loving family around me
  • I have some incredible friends around me and I am a good friend back to them
  • I live independently with my Husband, raising our children who look up to me for support and guidance
  • I went to uni and achieved a degree
  • I run my own business
  • I know I am brave, after 4 broken bones, knees cut open and 6 operations
  • I am becoming mindful- a great quality to have
  • I have faced a lot in my past- and I’m not even 30! I know I am strong
  • The right music and soundtrack can make me feel powerful and motivate me
  • As can certain quotes
  • I am me- no one else can be me

Think about moments in your life when you feel in control. Does a certain movie or TV programme motivate you and make you feel powerful? What about music?

Power Up Your Life

As mentioned above, power doesn’t have to be abused or seen as a bad thing. When you feel powerful, and use this in a positive, motivational way, it is a good feeling to experience. Now you’ve thought about what makes you feel powerful, reflect on your list.

Firstly, did you manage to write anything down? Maybe at this moment in time, not a lot makes you feel powerful. That’s ok, but make it your mission to find something. Go through playlists on Spotify and try to find a song that makes you want to kick anxiety’s backside. Or try listening to podcasts that can motivate you.

If you found that there were things, try to introduce them more into your weekly routine. Boost your confidence, motivate yourself and start to let powerful be a concept for you.

What Makes You Feel Like You Can Soar?

As you can see, feeling powerful does not have to be dangerous. It doesn’t have to be seen as being superior or rude. Don’t use people, or power. Don’t abuse it either. Just boost your confidence, and allow yourself to feel powerful, and not weakened by anxiety. Revel in the activities that allow you to feel this and power up your life.

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out my article on what makes you feel free.

If you are feeling down in the dumps, read this article on how to tackle those low moods.

What They Don’t Warn You About Motherhood And Anxiety

Motherhood changed me. There’s no doubt about it. I became less selfish, kinder, warmer and a much better version of myself. But there was the flip side to it. I lost myself a little. I love my children more than anything and I have loved every stage of their life so far. I strive to be the best mum I can possibly be. But there are certainly elements to motherhood that are made much more difficult when you suffer with anxiety.

You’re Not Alone.

At times it felt like I was the only one that felt so isolated. I love my children so much but I was losing myself whilst the anxiety monster on my shoulder got bigger.

However, with time I realised that I wasn’t alone. That other Mothers were going through what I was. Since those days, I have spoken to so many that have also felt the same. Although this is upsetting, it also is reassuring that I haven’t been alone in how I felt.

The Sunday Night Feeling.

Have you ever experienced the Sunday night feeling? Perhaps when you were a child, dreading the week of school ahead of you. Or maybe you were in a job that drained you and the thought of heading into the office in the morning made you want to press pause on life, like Bernards watch was capable of doing.

This is how I felt. Even though I had no school, no job. In fact, most would have dreamt of having the week ahead to choose what they wanted to do. But let me explain, having children and being 100% responsible for a life is the most daunting thing I have ever experienced.

When the boys started crawling, I had to baby proof my whole house and ensure that NOTHING that was a choking hazard was within reach. Then when they were weaning, I dreaded each meal time as I didn’t want them to choke. I watched countless videos on how to stop a child from choking.

Not forgetting cot death. Which doesn’t just happen in the cot but anywhere, anytime of day.

I was responsible for keeping these children alive. They meant the whole world to me and it was like pieces of my heart were now walking out in the outside world rather than safe inside my uterus. I would break if anything happened to them.

That is why I worried on a Sunday night. Because all weekend I had my husband there to share joint responsibilities. When he was around, I could go to the toilet, or drink a cup of tea without worrying that something would happen in the fraction of the time it took to boil a kettle.

As time went on, I realised I was capable of watching them and looking after them. But the worry of a parent is something unfathomable. And so I almost dreaded worrying for the entire week, worrying that I was doing something wrong. That’s why anxiety and motherhood don’t go together well. I worried anyway, then I worried more for this person I was caring for.

The Feeling Of Loneliness.

You’d think that by having company 24/7, you couldn’t possibly feel lonely. Well, you’d be wrong.

The loneliness you feel as a parent is entirely different to a loneliness when you are alone. It’s odd. But the only explanation is, that you feel trapped inside your head with all these thoughts and feelings which although you could try and express to your baby or toddler, they just wouldn’t cooperate back.

Only having a small tot to talk to is lonely. You crave attention and adult conversation. You word vomit the second you come into contact with another adult. Even if it’s your delivery man.

The loneliness is one of the most difficult things I faced. Even though I had my baby’s company, I still felt cut off from the outside world.

Self Care Is Forgotten.

When you have a small child, you are so focused on every ounce of their care and routine- that often, your own self care is forgotten or put on the back seat. This is what causes a lot of the anxious issues.

To help combat mental health issues such as anxiety, self care is essential. It helps to revitalise your soul and allow you to refresh. It stops you from becoming drained.

Unfortunately, when you are spending every waking hour tending to your baby or toddler, it’s often your needs that are placed to one side and ultimately this ends up creating issues further upstream.

The Changes Your Body Goes Through.

Another element that affects a lot of mothers, is their body changing. Obviously your body is put under so much strain when it is carrying a baby, and for some your body never goes back to the way it was.

This could be physical- such as a stomach that isn’t as flat as it used to be, or visible stretch marks (they do fade though).

Or it could be that the health of your body changes. My health certainly hasn’t been the same since my youngest. Either way, the changes your body go through are both incredible and miraculous, but they also put a strain on yourself and your confidence.

Fading Until You Just Become “Mum”.

It almost feels as if your uniqueness and your characteristics fade until you just become “Mum”. This is most likely due to the fact that you get next to no time to yourself. Your whole life revolves around your little ones, so what made you “you”, is less apparent.

You are tired, exhausted, drained. You live off few hours of sleep a night and I don’t think you ever truly catch up on sleep from those first few years. So whenever you do get time to yourself, you’re desperately trying to recharge your batteries, rather than having the time to enjoy a hobby.

Essentially, you feel like you lose your identity and become “mom”. Your former identity dissipates for a while.

It Does Get Easier.

What I can tell you, after years of experiencing the above, is that it does get better and easier. Everything settles down. When children get older, they become more independent and you’ll miss it when they weren’t. But it does mean you suddenly have these small gaps of time where you get to focus on yourself again. You’re less in demand, which means naturally you are less exhausted and drained.

My youngest started school just over a year ago. I kept crying at the thought of him going, I dreaded it. I suddenly felt “not ready” for my stay at home mum days to be over. But I’ve gotten used to the quiet now. I work from home, yet I don’t feel lonely. I feel like those hours in the day I am able to be me again, to work hard and achieve my own personal goals and to invest in myself. Then when I pick them up from school, I am so so happy to see their faces and we just strive to make the most of the time we have together.

As my boys have gotten older, they have become their own character and person. And my two are amazing. I laugh so hard with them now, they say the most funny things. They crack me up. They take notice of things I like and dislike and they help me out now. Infact they do take care of me and care for me. All of those years of hard work raising them from womb to toddlers, it’s paying off. They still need me a lot, but on a different level now. I also need them.

Motherhood gets easier. Parenting never gets easier but it is different. Each stage of your child’s life will have its ups and downfalls. But motherhood is different to parenting. Motherhood is a feeling, and it’s one that gets easier with time. So hang in there, you’ve got this.

If you’d like to read more about my journey with anxiety, start at the beginning.

It’s also worth being cautious with social media too, read here to find out more.

What Goals Should You Set This Year?

January is the start of a brand new book in your life. As the cheesy saying goes, you’ve got 365 pages ahead of you from the 1st January. These pages are the days to your year. It’s a good idea to set out some goals ahead of you. Sometimes New Years Resolutions don’t go according to plan, and that’s ok. I also find that the first few weeks of January you are so busy getting back into the funk of life. But now is a good time to set some goals for the year. What goals should you set this year?

Physical Goals

Perhaps you want to lose weight (I want to highlight here that this should be because you want to, or because of health reasons- not because of society’s pressures) so now is a good time to sit down and plan out a healthy diet plan.

Don’t eliminate “bad” foods altogether. If you don’t treat yourself from time to time then you are more likely to binge on the junk food and this will escalate quickly. Try to plan some treat food into the diet too. This way you’re more likely to stick to it. Also remember this isn’t a quick fix in Jan- plan for the whole 12 months and set yourself mini goals.

Getting more active is also a good idea. If you’re not wanting to sign up to the gym, there are plenty of other free activities you can do. You could try the couch to 5k Running Programme. You could get out on a daily mindful walk, which will not only help you to stay active but help with your mental health too. Or you could do some at home exercises. Perhaps you could sign up to some exercise classes like Zumba or Pilates.

There are plenty of exercise options out there. Exercise is a really great way to boost those endorphins and leave you feeling good. Again, set yourself small goals for the 12 months and build up. If you throw yourself into it too much to begin with, you may end up losing motivation.

Educational Goals

Maybe this year you’d like to study something new? There’s no age limit on learning. In fact I am constantly striving to learn new things all the time and take on smaller online courses to boost my knowledge, especially in my business sector.

However you could study for fun too- there are plenty of colleges that can offer evening classes in thinks like baking, textiles or IT skills. Have a look at what’s on locally to see if you want to increase your knowledge bank.

Personal Goals

Maybe there is a personal goal you’d like to achieve. For me last year, it was to not chase anyone anymore. I did really well with it although there were a few people that I did still make more of an effort with as I knew it wasn’t personal or in their abilities to make the same effort back at times.

Maybe there’s a bad habit you have, or maybe you don’t actually make enough time for yourself to do things that boost your joy or self esteem. For me I struggled with “me time” last year, so this year I want to set aside half an hour a day to do something selfish as such. As I realise how important this actually is.

Work Goals

Are you happy with your current career or job? Nothing needs to hold you back if you are unhappy and want to change direction with work life. Or perhaps you are looking to get a promotion, or a pay rise. Make this year your year to work hard on those work goals.

If it all feels too much at the moment and is overwhelming, break these work goals into smaller chunks. Also don’t forget that money isn’t everything and neither is work. Don’t spend your days grafting away whilst dealing with depression. Often, when we make a big life change, such as a change of jobs, it can be just what we need to help boost our mental health and give us a fresh start in life.

Life Goals

Have you got a bucket list? Maybe now is the ideal time to set yourself a goal to achieve from it. Or if you haven’t got one, why not make one? Now is a perfect time to start living life to the full and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

Or maybe, you just need to sit and review your life. If anxiety and depression has gotten a hold on you, maybe now is a great time to seek help and advice and address the deeper issues. CBT therapy, or counselling is great for working through issues and taking care of yourself.

Are there bigger goals in life that you want to work towards? Such as buying a house, or starting a family? These should only be tackled when the time is right, and naturally aren’t ones that happen easily. But if there are bigger life goals that you would like to accomplish soon, then maybe you could start taking small steps towards them, such as starting a saving plan.

However, if life is difficult at the moment, remember how important it is to take one day at a time. If anxiety is all too much for you right now, here is how you can begin tackling it.

Self- Care Goals

One of my goals for this year is to practise more self-care. Too often I find myself doing lots for others, but not enough for myself. Too often, I run myself into the ground most weeks trying to achieve work goals, and take care of my family. Often, these weeks go without allowing myself the time to recharge and refresh.

This year I am putting a stop to putting myself last. I see now the importance of self-care and how I need to be spending time on myself for everyone’s sake. I can then refresh myself so that I am the best version of myself to achieve everything else I need to day by day.

So, how can you set self-care goals? Maybe there are things you’d like to invest in, like getting your nails done or getting a facial or a massage. Or it could simply be putting 10 minutes aside each day to recharge your batteries. You could take a relaxing bath, read a book or watch a TV series. Make sure that this year you set yourself some self-care goals.

You can see through this post that there are many different goals you can set yourself for the year, and many different ways in which you can achieve them. If life is hard, then set the goal to just take one day at a time. The important thing to remember is that this is your life, and you are in control. But setting goals can be healthy and you get a great sense of accomplishment afterwards. What goals will you be setting this year?

If you’re struggling with the January blues, then read our post here.

Can It Really Be New Year, New Me?

So January is upon us and we are now in the new year stage. A lot of people find this is a great time to start New Years resolutions and make healthy changes in our lives. Some of us actually manage to achieve these, but some of us may give up a few weeks, or if you’re lucky, months into it. Can it really be ‘new year, new me’? Or is this just a phase that everyone goes through in January only to propel ourselves into feeling more miserable when we don’t achieve our New Years resolutions?

New Years Resolutions

How many times have you made a New Years resolution only to see it fail within a few months? Or how many of you see this as a completely fresh start and motivate yourself constantly to keep going?

I have had many a New Years resolution in the past fail. In fact most have. But one year, I made a New Years resolution/ challenge to bake every single recipe in this baking book I loved. I actually did it! I finished in the December and I felt triumph. Only it clashed with the resolution to lose weight. But I still managed to do it as it was doable- it was something I enjoyed.

Break Your Goals Down

So when you make your New Years resolutions, I would make ones that you will actually be able to achieve. If it’s something you know you will eventually hate or resent, don’t set it. You’ll feel disappointed in yourself if you fail but you’ll be setting yourself up for a failure if you don’t set yourself a realistic resolution in the first place.

Like losing weight, a very common one. It’s so generic. You need to be more specific and make it more do able. Perhaps only allow yourself to eat chocolate/ cake etc on a weekend and eliminate these out of your weekly diet. Perhaps say no to sugary drinks but only allow yourself one a week. If you ban yourself completely from something, you may end up rebelling. But if you set a realistic goal and break it down, you will manage it.

Really think about what you want to achieve and set yourself specific doable bite sized goals. This is the best way to accomplish a resolution or goal. My baking one was broken into doing one bake a week, by the end of the year I had to double and sometimes triple this but it helped with the longevity of the challenge.

Breaking Bad Habits

Another element of the New Year is to eliminate bad or toxic habits. In that respect, I find that sometimes someone just needs a bit of a kick to start the new behaviour. In that respect, the new year is a great signal for that. However, it must be noted that it takes years for a behaviour to form; so it can take a while for it to break.

Be patient with yourself. If you slip up a few times, don’t panic and give up entirely. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge the mistake, (which is easily done as your brain has been wired to behave that way or react that way over years) and keep trying.

Is it a new ‘you’ this New Year?

Is it a new ‘you’ this New Year?

So is it really new year, new me?

Well, it can be. If you struggle to ditch bad habits and toxic relationships, then the start of January can be a notable point to seriously think about changing your life. It signals a fresh start, which at times is all we need to kick start new behaviour and motivate us to succeed. 

We are all constantly changing within ourselves and often we are not the same person we were a few years back. So yes, we can see the New Year as a way to start this change. But make sure that it is a positive one. 

Treat yourself and others with kindness, don’t criticise yourself constantly and don’t give up. Find new ways to beat anxiety or depression.

I hope that you all have a wonderful start to 2020 and that if you need it to be a fresh start, that you make it a successful one.