10 Things you need to ignore to become happier

Life can be full of confusion, conflicts and chaos. Sometimes it is hard to sift through everything, especially when you suffer with anxiety, to see clearly. It got me thinking, what if we could sift through some of the rubbish. What if we could ignore certain aspects of life in order to become happier? Well, I’ve written a list of 10 things we should be ignoring in order to make this happen.

1. The media when it tries to scaremonger you. I studied media and journalism at university and so I know just how much certain news stories are sensationalised. I know all too well what makes a good news story and it isn’t one where nothing happens. The media can be good, but it can also be really bad when you suffer with anxiety. Just remember- take it with a pinch of salt. Don’t take to heart what is reported and make sure you get a balanced view of what you read.

If you’re interested in news and bias, this book has some great reviews.

2. Google and forums when you search your symptoms. Too many times I have panicked with symptoms, googled them and then panicked some more. Google is not a substitute for a doctor. If you are concerned about anything then the best thing to do is seek proper medical advice and stop using google or forums for this. Since I have stopped doing this, I never seem to panic about my symptoms, and I find me phoning the doctors less too. I seem to have really calmed down about everything medical- even when it comes to my children.

3. Jealous friends and aquantaces when giving advice. If you suspect a friend of being jealous of you, then take any advice they give with a pinch of salt. You should only be asking true friends which have your back through thick and thin for advice or you may end up in a worse situation then you already were in. Sometimes, we give ourselves the best advice too, so try that too. Be your own perfect nurturer and you will not be let down.

4. Silence. Silence is the worst when you are feeling lonely. At times it can be a pleasant retreat for me as a Mother- having silence grace my life from time to time can be a blessing and something my body needs. But when I am feeling lonely, silence needs to be banished so I always fill it with music in these circumstances. Music heals the soul.

Need a CD to help you feel good? Try this one.

5. What other people are doing. We are all different. We are all on different unique paths in our lives. As long as we are living the life we want, we shouldn’t compare. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Do This 1 Thing Each Day To Help Anxiety and you will soon see the light in your own life and realise that it doesn’t matter what others are doing- as long as you find happiness and meaning in your own life, than you are doing incredible. Never compare yourself. Just focus on yourself and things will feel lighter and happier.

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6. Ignore social media. This is similar to the last one in terms of having to ignore what other people are doing. But this is in a broader sense. It includes what people’s statuses and pictures seemingly show. You must remember that social media is a highlight reel. It only reveals what people want it to. Who really knows what goes on  behind closed doors? It’s an exaggeration of real life. And at times, it is even make believe. So take it lightly. And don’t fret over what pictures or statuses people put up.

7. Other people’s ‘likes’. It’s easy to get drawn into the social media craze. This modern day obsession with everything social media scares me at times. And I think it’s no coincidence that the rates of depression and anxiety are increasing. The pressure that social media creates is ridiculous. There are new worries and things to obsess over thanks to social media. One of those is comparison of ‘likes’.

I’ve been there- thinking how mad it is how someone can have a certain number when I’m pretty sure I don’t even know that amount of people. The main thing to remember, is that we are all different. Just like school days, there will always be people more popular than you, the same or less popular than you. We have all walked different paths and along those paths we have met different people. For me, I have been a stay at home mum the past 7 years now. So, the amount of people I have met along this unique journey of mine is far less than anyone that has had multiple jobs in this time. Other things to note, are these people may not be active in the person’s life, they may never have met in real life, they may be family or clients. They could come from anywhere- but the most important thing to remember is that it isn’t the likes you should concern yourself with.

You could have 100 likes but only 1 friend reaching out to you. Or 1 like and lots of friends reaching out to talk to you. Which would you prefer? I know which I do. I used to be confused, I used to want to try to compete at the likes game. But it’s ridiculous. It’s false, and it’s not the type of world I want to engage in. I want the real word. The real friends. I want to base my respect on someone, not on how many likes they have gotten, but how kind they are. I am lucky to have such wonderful friends that take the time to message me and see me, this makes me ultimately far happier than them liking my posts. Because that doesn’t last as long as bonding with a real friendship does.

Read more about social media on my Me Against Social Media post here.

8. Your phone. I think it’s great to ignore your phone, at times. When you’re with your friends or family then learn to put it down and take in life. You will end up connecting and bonding far more with the people in front of you than anyone on the other side of the phone at that time. Give people your full attention. I do tend to have my phone out on the side during dinner, but that’s only for one reason- incase my husband needs to call me if anything happens at home. Also, the odd photo is lovely to take to capture a moment- but don’t let it dominate your time out.

I love to put my phone away at other random times- of an evening, I tend to put it to one side so that I can indulge in the time with my children- especially when we play a board game and do stories before bed. Also, if I want to get creative, read or just binge on TV. I find it so important to switch off and take time for myself. The messages can and will wait until I am ready. I will always be there when people need me, but if a conversation can wait a few hours or till the morning than it does. I think having time away is essential for improving mental health.

9. Your doubts and fears. It is so easy when you suffer with anxiety to doubt yourself and everything you do constantly. But try to change this and your way of thinking. Start believing that you can do it and that you can achieve your goals and dreams. Then start putting steps into place.

This pack of Power Thought Cards are a great start to get you thinking positively.

10. The anxious demon that sits on your shoulders. Anxiety is a monster. One that sits on your shoulder and makes you second think and doubt everything. And it’s not just doubt and fears. It feeds off negativity and drains you of anything positive. You come away assessing every conversation you had whilst you were out, wondering if you came across annoying. You go to plan something exciting, then doubt if you can do it. There is so much that this anxious demon does and it is trying to quieten the real you. It’s time to ignore this anxious demon and take back your life. There is so much you can do to begin this. Try cycling through previous blog posts to get inspiration- like How to Begin Tackling Anxiety.

This book- DARE- was an incredible read and helped me so much.

 

I hope that this post has helped given you some ideas on what you should begin to ignore in life. Try to turn your attention to all of the positive things in life, maybe the sun was a bit brighter today, perhaps one of your favourite TV programmes has a new episode out or maybe you were able to feel pride in something you did. Whatever it is, let the positivity rise and ignore all these downfalls that modern life has to offer.

Don’t forget to follow me on social media (links are above) for more regular updates on my journey on overcoming anxiety.

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10 Ways To Help Keep Anxiety At Bay This Christmas

The festive season can be the most wonderful time of the year. But it can also be one of the most stressful times of the year. From the financial strain of buying presents, attending events and social gatherings and treating your loved ones, to the social anxieties the festive season and all of the parties brings. It certainly requires some strength from within. So, how do you keep anxiety at bay this Christmas?

  1. Say no if you need to. If an event or party is giving you more grief than what it’s worth, then just say no. I don’t mean shutting yourself away from the rest of the World and pushing people away, but really question the situation that is making you worry; is it worth it? This time of the year there are always events and situations that we push ourselves to be in and yet really we gain nothing from it but our own torture and upset. Learn to gracefully say no but don’t worry about letting people down, you do need to look after number one.
  2. Don’t put yourself under financial strain. If you can’t afford to do or buy something, then just don’t do it or buy it. People will understand if they are genuine people in your life. As for children, they far more appreciate the presence of a parent rather than the presents.
  3. Make time for yourself. It is so essential to press pause on plans and life to take care of yourself, especially this time of the year. If you fancy binge watching that Netflix show you’ve had on your list for months, or fancy a luscious bath or just want to curl up on your bed and read a book then please do that. Set a date with yourself for yourself.
  4. Keep a balance with food. Yes indulge, it is Christmas time after all! And don’t feel bad about it- this festive period and the indulgant food only comes round once a year so go for it. But, keep a balance- keep eating those healthy veggies and fruit because the vitamins and goodness from them really will help boost your mental health. Also, make sure you keep hydrated and drink plenty.
  5. If you’re currently in treatment for CBT or counselling, then do keep up with your treatment and sessions. Although it is a manic time of year, it is vital to keep yourself and your mental health as a priority and the more you do the techniques you’re taught, the easier life will become. You may even find the techniques help with the situations you’re dealt with this time of year.
  6. Don’t stress the small stuff. If you are busting a gut and feeling drained to try and get every little thing done for everyone, then just stop. Stop stressing; your friends and family will not judge you at all and will still love you dearly.  Sometimes, you just have to breathe and let it all just be. Everything will fall into place. If you constantly stress about the small things then the holidays will fly by and you won’t have enjoyed a single moment of it.
  7. The simple things in life will bring you the most joy. You’ll soon realise that actually, it’s the small, simple things in life that will create happiness for you. That little walk down the road, looking at the twinkling Christmas lights in the houses you past, or the smell of the festive drink from the coffee shop. Look for the small subtle things in each day and the magic of Christmas will soon shine through.
  8. Create reminders. I find that this time of year requires endless lists of everything you have to remember. From sending those Christmas cards, swapping presents, attending social events and school events. When I’m stressed, I end up almost going into survival instinct mode, where I just focus on what I have to do there and then to get by. This can be detrimental when it comes to forgetting things. So, as soon as something pops into your head, set a reminder on your phone for when you need it to go off. These reminders have saved my butt several times over the past few weeks.
  9. Seek comfort in your close ones. You’ll find that friends and family are also feeling the strain of this time of the year, so grab a coffee with them and have a rant and a rave. Offloading and bonding over it all with those you love will give you that warm cosy feeling that this time of year is all about.
  10. Remember it will all soon be over. As hard as the holidays are, they fly by. And actually for me, it is my favourite time of the year, despite how overwhelming they can be. That’s why I am going to be letting go of what doesn’t matter and holding on to those small, simple and subtle moments that this wonderful time of year brings. I am going to be festive, fun and find the happiness in the little moments. I am not going to let this overwhelm me and try to people please so much that I forget myself; so remember- it doesn’t last long. Blink and it’ll all soon be over.

What do you dread about this time of year? What do you look forward to? Have you got any Holiday mental health boosting tips to share? Pop a comment in the box, I would love to hear from you.

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I will not be blogging over the Christmas holidays, as I will be spending every last minute with my family and just having a well deserved break from it all. However, I will be back at the end of next month with a new post for you all. In the mean time, do follow us on social media; the links are above, for more mini doses of Me Against Myself. Thank you. Until next time, I wish you all A Very Merry Christmas and a Happy Anxious Free New Year!

8 Tips To Help You Cope With Change

Recently I went through a big life change. Moving house.
Now, change has often been worrisome for me. But since I started suffering with anxiety, it is terrifying. It’s a leap into the unknown. It’s not feeling at home, comfortable, in charge. It goes against everything I try to daily enforce in my life to ensure calm and to feel “on top” of things. It’s brave.
I’ve been searching for a new home for a few years now. I knew as a family it would benefit us to move closer to my Son’s schools and also I felt like over the past couple of years we had outgrown our humble abode. Yet every time I loaded RightMove I was reluctant and I was picky. I knew whatever I chose, I had to be sure of because I knew how much the change would affect me. Then I found this place. And me and my husband viewed it, then I got this feeling. I just knew this was going to be our future. And so I took that leap.
Change terrifies me. It really unsettled me. I still don’t feel ‘at home’ now, but I know that will come with time. Here are some tips on how I have handled the change;
  1. Make lists. Making lists is something I do all of the time anyway, it keeps me feeling like I have a sense of control and I feel organised and my thoughts aren’t so cluttered and floating free. I’ve got a few lists on the go now but it’s been essential for me during this change. I have always been a list maker. I do it for everything, big and small; from Christmas shopping lists to what housework needs doing, tasks I need doing on my blog to places I want to visit with my children throughout the year. Having my lists handy over the past few weeks has been so helpful to me.
  2. Keep in as much of a ‘normal’ routine as possible. It soon became apparent to me that nothing was going to be normal as I knew it again. We had moved. Our routines would naturally change because of this, but still the first week was awful because I just wasn’t trying to get into a routine. When week 2 began, I knew that the most important thing to do, would be to create some sort of normality through routine. Which we did, and immediately I felt better. No, things will never be the same again as they were a month ago, but they can still be good. You do what you can from the old, but tweak it with the new.
  3. Accept help. In whatever way you need. I had a thousand things to do one day, but my husband ran me a bath and told me to go soak myself instead. I listened, and I am thankful for that pause and helping hand that I was given. My friends and family have been so supportive over the past few weeks and have been helping in the ways that they can. I also, I’m not ashamed to admit it, but have started counselling again. I have never taken anti-depressants, although I see nothing wrong with those and I believe they help so many people so should be used where they can help. So my way of getting help is by talking it through with someone trained to give me help, advice and techniques that I can use. These new techniques of calming my worries down have really been invaluable. I am thankful that I had help available to me.
  4. Indulge in yourself. In a time of change, it’s important to look after yourself. Watch that chick flick, go out with friends, read a book or take a bath. Have some time to yourself. Life is forever changing so it’s important to ground yourself from time to time and rediscover you. You can never feel guilty about looking after number one.
  5. Acceptance. Realise that nothing will be the same again. Autumn is a fantastic metaphor for this. Every year the trees shed their leaves, the breeze lifts them off the branches and they let go. What happens a few months later, new leaves grow. I have been using this metaphor a lot lately, it’s helped that my change has also come over Autumn. But I have to accept the change. Let go of what has been and look forward to a fresh start and what’s coming next. This applies to everything; friendships, relationships and happiness. Nothing is guaranteed to stay. But the best thing to do, is learn to let go, accept what is and what will be and be grateful for what is left.
  6. Take one day at a time. I was very naive when we moved and thought that by the next day, we would be cleaned up, unpacked, tidied with homely things put on the walls. 2 and a half weeks later and there’s still a list of ‘to-do’s. Rome wasn’t built in a day, as they say. Things take time. I realise that now. I need to practise patience a lot more. To be honest as well, by taking it one day at a time, I am reflecting more on the journey and it can be quite exciting. Small steps.
  7. Don’t sweat the small stuff. I found it so easy to get caught up in all of the stressful situations that moving and change brought me. I was stressing over everything. So many things went wrong and then naturally my mind was racing with negativity. Now, I am slowly getting there with settling down, I realise that every little thing does not need to be analysed and stressed over. If I can not fix a problem, I should not worry about it. Instead I should focus my energy in the tasks at hand. I’ve actually gotten pretty good at this now. And when I really need to worry, I use ‘Worry Time’ to do so.
  8. Be kind to yourself. It has been a rollercoaster couple of weeks. I have had so much thrown at me- as life goes, we all get it- and I wasn’t being too kind on myself. I’ve made mistakes over the past couple of weeks, I’ve gotten snappy and on edge about things. But do you know what? That’s ok. I forgive myself. We all make mistakes. Nothing is dandy all of the time and we can’t always be perfect. All I can do is try my best. Now change is horrible and daunting for anybody, but as I find anxiety difficult at times, for my it’s the worst. Not only that, but moving has been listed as one of the top situations to cause stress and anxieties. So no wonder I’ve not felt myself! But now, I am being kind to myself. It’s been a couple of weeks and I am getting used to it all now, now it’s time to wipe the slate clean, have a fresh start and BE KIND to myself.

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Have you been through a change in your life lately? How did you cope with it? Have you got some tips you could share in the comment box? I would love to hear from you. Don’t forget to subscribe and follow me on social media too, (links are above).

Thank you.

 

8 Steps On What To Do When You’re In A Slump

Sometimes life can leave you feeling a bit drained, like your glass is half empty and you can feel mentally exhausted. I’ve had my fair share of days like this. Days where all I have wanted to do is hide away from life and not face up to my day to day routines. Some days I feel like the World is against me. I feel those around me slipping away. I feel myself slipping into this anxiety swamp. So, what do I do when I’m in a slump, what should you do when you’re in a slump?

  • Take a long walk in nature. Breathe in the fresh crisp air and look at the beautiful nature around you. There is so much beauty in this world if we really open up to it.
  • Aromatherapy. The best essential oils for anxiety are Lavender, Camomile, Rose and Frankincense. You can also get some great essential oil packs on Amazon aimed directly at improving Mental Health.
  • Phone a friend or family member. Even if you don’t know how to explain how you feel, the company will help. Talk about anything even the weather. At times, socialising with anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it is also important to push through as it does help.
  • Watch some TV or a feel good movie. Personal favourites are The Greatest Showman and Stepbrothers. Escapism is a great way of feeling better and just putting a pause on life until you are more rested and ready to face everyday life again.
  • Eat healthily. Treat your body to some fruit and vegetables. Why not make some energy balls? Try to cook from scratch if you can. Reward your hard-working body with healthy and wholesome food.
  • Read a book. The DARE book is amazing and I can not recommend it enough. It really does help to gain an insight into how the brain works and help you to start facing anxiety. This will give you a mental boost and a sense of new hope.
  • Have a deep relaxing bath. Lush have a great range of environmentally friendly products. Here is a great bath bomb that will relax you and make you feel like a Goddess. 
  • Do some decluttering or cleaning. Decluttering your physical space does wonders to help declutter your mind. This book looks good, it’s definitely one I would want to read soon. 

I find that when I’m in a slump with my anxiety and mood, I just need to pick something and do it. But also, sometimes it’s ok to accept that I’m having a slump and just let it be for a bit. I never let myself dwell in my low mood for too long, but sometimes just laying on the bed and thinking things through, or sitting still with my thoughts isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It all makes me stronger in the end. But once I’ve sat with my thoughts and had a bad mood for a bit, it’s time to pick one of the activities and then the next and work my way through till I’m out of that slump.

I hope this blog post has helped you. If it has, it would mean so much if you could like or share it on social media. Also pop a comment in the box, I would love to hear from you. Don’t forget to follow me on social media too (links are above)

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Do This 1 Thing Each Day To Help Anxiety

What if I told you, you could change your perspective and help with your anxiety within two weeks by doing one thing each day? This one simple thing can help improve your anxiety and mental health in such a short space of time.

Anxiety is such a consuming, scary thing to suffer with.

At times I can feel myself drowning with all of my stresses and worries pushing and shoving me further under. At times it’s hard to feel that there is a way out. Sometimes though, just by building one simple activity into a routine, it can make the world of difference.

The activity is simple.

Each night, find a time to reflect on your day. Try to find a nice quiet location, or just lay in bed quietly pondering the events of the day. To be honest, this was something I was doing each night anyway, but instead of seeing positives, all I could draw out was the negatives. What if so and so found me annoying at the school gates? Oh, I forgot to tackle THAT item on my to do list. Did I show enough affection to my husband and children? Could I have been healthier today?

This activity changes your thought patterns.

It takes 11 times of doing something new to change a habit. Do this for 11 days in a row and soon your will start to change your thought patterns and behaviours. So, instead of dwelling on all of the negatives and over analysing what you should or shouldn’t have done, focus on the good. Then eventually, your mind will learn to recognise the good more naturally.

If it helps, even try to write down four good things that have happened each day.

Is that it?

Yes, it really is as simple as focusing on 4 good things that have happened that day. Repeat this everyday for a few weeks and soon your brain will start to naturally draw itself to the good of the day rather than dwelling and ruminating on the bad.

But I find it hard to think about anything good that’s happened.

Although the task is simple, it doesn’t make it easy. Having suffered with anxiety for the last few years, I find it really difficult to pull the good out of a bad day. Some days it feels like the whole world is against you, you question your social life, you question your future and you dwell on your past. But, there are even positives to having anxiety.  Sometimes all you need is to practice a new skill that can help grow and strengthen you as a person. That’s what this task aims to do.

Recognising the four good things.

When it comes to listing the 4 good things from each day, don’t try to only focus on the big things. Most of the time, it’s the small and simple things in life that mean the most. Perhaps something big did happen, like a job promotion or you went to a social event which you loved. But maybe it was something small, like fresh bedsheets on the bed or it was the night of your favourite TV show so you curled up to watch, for me it’s The Walking Dead, with a cup of delicious hot chocolate. Keep open minded and just find four good things each day. No matter how big or small.

Soon you’ll find that your mind begins to open up to doing this and it will get easier to find four good things that have happened each day, in fact some days you will be able to list far more than four.

So why not give this a go? Try this one simple, non time consuming activity each and every night for the next few weeks and see how much your anxiety and overall mental health improves.

Have you tried this activity before? Pop a comment below, I would love to hear from you. Also don’t forget to follow me on Facebook (Link is above) If you liked this post and found it helpful then please do give it a like and a share on social media. It would mean the world! Thank you.

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12 Tips On How To Cope With Anxiety

I’ve been suffering with anxiety for four years now. Over the years, I have had to create tips and tricks on how to deal with it. Somedays my anxiety is harder to deal with than others, but over time, I have done a lot of research into what can help. I have found a few methods and tips on how to deal with anxiety affectively; I will list these below.
  1. Worry time. When I was doing research on anxiety I came across the notion of worry time. I am guilty of worrying too much during the day. And sometimes when I’m feeling anxious, the worries will just keep coming. Well, once I’d read about worry time, I felt like this could be controlled a lot more. Basically anytime through the day, if a worry pops into your head, write it down on a notepad or notes on your phone (so keep it close by) then draw your attention back to your current task at hand or if you’re not doing anything, find something to do. Then when it comes to the evening, set 10 minutes aside at the end of each day. Put the timer on and sit down with your notes. This 10 minutes is your worry time to go over the worries that have popped into your mind during the day. You can then reflect and sort these worries out.
  2. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes when I look at my diary, I can feel very overwhelmed about what’s to come three weeks or months ahead, depending what I have on. When I went for CBT before, I learnt the importance of pushing myself and making plans and sticking to them so I’ve always gone ahead and made plans, even ones I feel slightly uncomfortable with. I do this to push the boundaries of my anxieties in the hopes that it will help me further along, but in the meantime, some of the plans can be quite daunting and scary. So the best thing I find, is not to look ahead to much. Obviously it’s important to know what I have going on in the coming days, but more often than not, it is far easier just taking one day at a time. So when I wake up in the morning all have to know is that I just have to get through that day and those plans. I try not to look ahead too much.
  3. Writing lists. I love making lists, I make them about everything. My list can be about daily chores I have to do, shopping list, to then if I’m feeling anxious or worried about anything I will write a list about that. The lists then help me to organise my thoughts better. By seeing them on paper, I am able to visualise and begin to make a plan on how I go about making my way through what is written down, whether that is organising my to do’s into when I should complete each task or where I can buy the things I need in the shops. Or if it is about my anxious thoughts, I can then make my way through them and figure things out how to make me feel happier and more comfortable with those. Decluttering your mind is just as important as decluttering your physical space. So making lists helps to organise your thoughts and even your daily tasks so that you feel more organised and your mind is less cluttered and busy trying to work through everything it needs to.
  4. Doing research. Since suffering with anxiety, I have read a few different books that have really helped me, not just mindfulness ones. Some of the books I have read are as follows; ‘Overcoming Low Self Esteem‘, ‘DARE‘, ‘The Little Book of Mindfulness‘ and ‘Mindfulness in Eight Weeks‘. Having done some research, I have learnt so much about my brain, anxiety and depression. Learning about it does really help to move you forward in life with more wisdom and knowledge about what you’re suffering with. I think because I’ve learnt so much, I have also learnt a lot about myself and that has helped my anxieties a lot. I have some other books ready on my shelf to read- make sure you follow my Facebook page and subscribe to the blog to see how I get on with those. I can’t wait to be able to read all of them and learn even more. Hopefully I’ll be able to help myself and help all of you as well.
  5. Turn to those you love. I am so lucky and grateful to have a great home team around me. These are the people that have my back. The ones I can call when I need them. My family and husband are so supportive and even if they do think I’m silly, I can always turn to them and know that I will be spoken to with truth but with love. This is incredibly important. Reach out to those around you and bond with them.
  6. Seek help elsewhere if you need it. If you’re really struggling with your mental health, don’t be afraid to go to your GP’s and explain how you’re feeling and why you are struggling. Some areas in the U.K. have fantastic mental health services that you can use. There are also other charities such as Mind , Heads Together, and the number to phone the Samaritans is 116 123 (UK). Don’t feel like getting help is something to be ashamed of. Some people struggle with their diets and exercising regime, so they seek out nutritionalists or personal trainers. Others may turn to sleep coaches to help sleep train their children. Seeking mental health help is so important. Don’t suffer alone. I have been through my local mental health services a couple of times and the help and support I have been given has been invaluable. I’m not ashamed about it as it has helped me to grow and improve and thankfully i’ve done this without needing antidepressants.
  7. Schedule in some me time. It’s really important to give yourself some tlc from time to time. Give yourself a glorious bubble bath with a scented candle.
  8. Go on a nature walk. There is something about nature that really soothes the soul and helps to ground you. Take in the scenery and be mindful.
  9. Escapism. I truly believe in a good bit of escapism- that can be through films, tv programmes or reading an enjoyable book. Don’t stick anything too depressing on but rather something that can absorb your attention and give you that escapism from life for those few moments.
  10. Cut out negative toxic people. I have had my fair share of toxic people in my life. They would make me constantly over-analyse everything to do with our friendship. Suddenly it hit me, that the days I felt so down and ashamed- were because of the way they were treating me. Sometimes toxic behaviour isn’t obvious, but when you spot it, cut it out. You will feel rubbish for a while but after that distance from those people, you will feel tons better.
  11. Don’t over do things. I can be so guilty of this, I end up cramming so much into my weeks or pushing my boundaries too much in one go. It’s good to push yourself, it’s good to try new things- just don’t over do it because it will leave you both mentally and physically exhausted and that leaves the barrier down for an anxiety flare up to happen.
  12. Keep alcohol consumption to a minimum. Alcohol isn’t advised when you suffer with anxiety, although whilst you’re drinking it you feel merry enough, usually anxiety peaks after an evening or night drinking. I still have a glass or two of my favourite, Tia Maria and Coke, but I never over-do it or drink often.
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I hope these tips have been helpful for you to read. What tips would you give to fellow anxiety sufferers or to anyone to help boost their mental health? Leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you. Also please do share and like this post on Facebook- we need to spread the message that it’s ok not to be ok.
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What Happened To Kindness?

I feel like as a mother I am constantly being judged. Ever since those early baby days, I’ve felt like all eyes have been on me over the choices I have made with my parenting; whether I’ve breastfed or bottle-fed and also for being a stay at home mum.

Social media can cause us to be judgmental.

With the increase in social media and people opening up their everyday lives through Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram stories, I feel like everyone is able to judge your every move and look at your life through an open window and make comments. Social media tends to only capture what those that use it want to show so that it becomes a highlight reel of their life or an exaggerated part. Or it may even be completely false and posts are just put up for appearances sake. These posts make out that you look really happy and put together and that everything is going well in your life. No one knows the truth behind anybody’s posts really. It’s easy to lie on social media, it’s easier to put a gushing picture of a happy family up and say how happy you are and proud you are of your family and how well the kids are doing, how well-behaved they are, than it is to allow people that real insight into your life.

That real insight could be that actually maybe you were struggling that day and maybe you barely made it through that day without shouting at your children or hiding in the corner with a chocolate bar. I think we all feel like we are being judged and we don’t want to seem vulnerable and show the messy side of our lives. Everyone is comparing themselves on social media and wondering why our lives don’t match up to the person’s you are viewing online.

I am constantly comparing myself to other mums online and wondering why my children aren’t as well behaved or achieving as much academically. Or why we don’t appear as happy or even my social life doesn’t compare to those other Mums. I try with my social media posts to reflect a more wholesome account of the whole truth to what my life is really like but I am also making sure I don’t only show the highlights of what’s going on. I think we all live in fear that if we open up ourselves completely that we will face criticism, judgement and be ridiculed by the way our lives are when actually no one is as perfect as they make out through social media. And no one really has it all together and if it seems like someone has or if they said they have, they’ve been lying because we all have our insecurities and we all have our downfalls in life.

Social media portrays our life as how we want it to.

Depending what is placed online, sometimes an ideal image of life is reflected out. So people tend to judge on what they see on these platforms. People can be unkind to each other because they are judging the image that has been sent into the world. This can come out of jealousy, out of bitterness. But we really need to be kinder because we don’t know what other people are going through and how their lives really are. Social media is not an accurate representation of someone’s life and even in the real life, if a mum is boasting about how well things are going for her she could well be hiding behind something. The apparently happiest people sometimes are the saddest, the most social people are sometimes the loneliest. Just because we think we know what someone is like and how their lives are, we really have no idea.

On a side note to this, 2 stories have recently been in the news that have just shocked me at how truly unkind people are. The first was Now magazine being completely unnecessarily vile to Stacey Solomon. Whom, I personally 100% admire for being one of the most real and down to earth celebrities there is. When I view her posts, I don’t come away feeling like rubbish about myself, I’m always uplifted. Because she shows us a real and truthful view into her amazing world. She is stunning and yet she isn’t afraid to show her wobbly bits to us all! Yet a magazine has placed themselves behind their “fans” and have thought that it’s okay to completely talk trash about Stacey. Calling her boring, well I think she is far from boring. She is real. And just because she is a celebrity, she doesn’t deserve that unkindness. Another incident is the bullying of a blogger Scarlett London. All this blogger did was post up a paid advert and she got trolled to an unbelievable level. Of course the image was pretty, pink and perfect looking- she’s working! She was posting up a brilliantly creative image, because that’s her job. And she got given death threats for this. No, Instagram doesn’t always show a realistic lifestyle- but sometimes thats absolutely fine. Just like TV and film- not everything is done realistically. Doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it for what it is and move on with our lives. Why people feel the need to be so unkind and bully online like this goes beyond me. 2 perfect recent examples of what’s wrong with the world now. What happened to kindness? 

The danger of ‘putting up appearances’

The danger to only placing online the highlights, or alternate views of our lives, is that we are putting up boundaries and not really letting anyone ever in fully. In today’s modern world we are constantly open to communication 24/7 through social media and texting but are we really connecting on a proper basis? I don’t think people are connecting deeply enough as humans. I think we all live in such a bubble through social media that we’re not really connecting and getting to know each other and instead we are just judging each other through what we see on-screen rather than what’s really accurate. 

We use social media to stay in contact and we are texting each other, but are we really connecting?

We replace likes and comments with proper communication and actually messaging that person to ask how they really are, what they’ve really been up to. We think that by following someones time line, that is enough to call someone a ‘friend’. Even when there is a conversation, I feel that so many people are afraid to say what’s really going on- through fear that their ‘perfect social media image’ is broken. The criticism that is out there over mental health makes people so afraid to show their true feelings and thoughts.

I choose to open up.

I have chosen to open up and speak out about my mental health, about the anxieties I suffer with, in the hope that others will. That we break the ‘perfect’ images on social media. That we replace them with realness. With kindness. Even on celebrities photos and accounts, the trolls that comment with such mean and hurtful things. Celebrities are certainly not invincible, as we’ve seen through so many devastating sad news over the past few years, such as Chris Cornell. So why do people think it’s ok to tear these people down? They place judgements on what we are shown- not real life. Celebrities and those in the public lie will not always post real, honest images. But that’s part of a job. It’s their vocation. It’s more than ok. It’s also OK that we publish what we want online, whether it’s real or fake. What’s wrong is the judgements that people then have. It’s the online bullying. It’s even avoiding someone in real life because of what they publish. 

Don’t get me wrong, I fear each and every post I publish will end up with judgement about me for having these issues. But with each and every post I have put up, I’ve had people get in touch and not sympathise, but relate. People relate to what I’m writing, but haven’t ever put their thoughts and feelings into words and that’s perfectly fine, I just hope that through my experiences and thoughts that it can help anyone out there not feel so alone, not be so afraid or left hopeless. I want to leave people feeling hopeful. I want people to read this and learn something positive, that we are all in this crazy world together and together we can achieve great things. Like overcoming horrid mental health problems and creating a lot more love and kindness in the world.

Always choose kindness.

Instead of judging people through what you see online or even in person, before thinking you know someone- always choose to be kind. Always choose kindness. Be careful about the words you say and how you treat someone. You think you know what’s going on in someone’s life but next time, just think twice before shutting someone out, or rolling your eyes at their behaviour. I think we all just need to be kinder to everyone, to absolutely everyone we meet. If you see someone struggling with the kids screaming down the road, don’t judge them for being a bad mum because you have no idea what is really going on. Or if you see someone who usually posts plenty of happy showing off posts on their Facebook, but then they suddenly, they put up a little cry for help through something else- Don’t necessarily think that they are after attention, think actually they want help. Be kind, check if that person is okay.

 

We constantly tell our children, “If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all” I think this is a lesson most adults have forgotten.

In any social interaction, please always choose to be kind. Without kindness, what would this world be?

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We only capture and post what we want people to see.

Get in touch, I would love to hear from you. Just pop a comment in the box provided. Don’t forget to follow the Facebook page (link is at the top of the page) I usually post a few bits in between blog posts on there all in the theme of positivity and mental health. If you liked this post or agreed with the issue above, please do like and share the post.