4 Things I Have Learnt From Six Weeks of Isolation

It has been over a month now since I started self-isolation and practising social distancing measures. One whole long, feels like a lifetime, month. In this time, I have laughed, I have cried and on the whole I have had a huge sense of surreal wash over my existence. What have I learnt then from one month of isolation?

Time Has Little Meaning

We are trying to keep with somewhat of a routine. We get up, get dressed and begin the day with school work. We also have lunch, dinners and try and do the same standard bedtime routine that we are used to. There is some relevance to the day we are on, but even then that’s lost some meaning.

The weeks seem to go quickly on the whole. But the days seem to be long. It’s reminding me of the early years of my children’s life, the days are long but the years are short. That was the phrase drilled in to my head, and boy was it true. Even the bad days that seemed never ending, eventually ended and before I knew it another month had gone by. That’s what’s happening now.

Each morning I wake up, saddened by the prospect of another day without being able to see those I love. Without being able to nip out for a coffee and cake with a friend, or take my children out somewhere fun for the day to explore. The day goes on and on. And then it’s nighttime. I go to bed sad, knowing that it’s Groundhog day.

Then before I know it, I realise it’s been weeks since I last hugged a friend, or dropped my kids off at school. It’s been weeks of this new normal. Time has lost meaning. I can’t use dates to really plan anything, only the odd call or work committment to schedule in.

You Realise Who’s Important To You

During this time you realise who you miss and who you wish you could see. I have really missed my friends and family. I’ve been wishing I could just see them one more time for a 10 minute coffee.

The friends that have stayed in touch, that have called me, FaceTimed me, they mean the absolute world. I miss them all so much but I know that when I see them that the time apart will be worth it. Time apart like this makes you appreciate things more. Boy, have I appreciated those friendships more. I’ve realised just how much people mean to me and how lucky I am to have them.

If during this time, you find that you don’t miss things or people so much, that you feel calmer and better without them- I think that is really telling. Hopefully this time will give you the strength to walk away from anything that no longer serves you- this is something that thankfully happened to me before Covid 19, so I am able to process this time far better.

If anything this time has made me feel closer to some people. As we have faced these fears and emotions together, and been a bit soppier than we would have usually. I’m not afraid to tell my friends that I miss them, I love them and I am lucky to have them.

You Appreciate The Little Things In Life

I have taken so much for granted, without really even realising. I’ve always been a grateful person usually. But this has taken that to a whole new level. Who knew that we would miss school runs? Trips to the super market? Being able to order food or go into any shop? Who knew that the coffee shops would shut down so you couldn’t even just pop in for a take away coffee, let alone see and catch up with those you adore.

If anything, the little things in life for me now have even more meaning. I will never look at life in the same way again. I don’t even know how or when normality will resume, but I know that I will never ever take any of it for granted again.

In Dark Times, Stars Shine

For me, I am noticing how kind and beautiful some souls are. In scary times, always look out for the helpers. They are the heroes. They are the ones that shine brighter than any stars.

From Joe Wicks delivering the nation’s PE lessons, to the headteachers of my children’s school sending out regular reassuring letters. Sometimes, its the little ways a person can help that make a vast difference in these turbulent times. Our local community set up a community support system, meaning those that are self-isolating didn’t need to leave to go and get medicines and food.

These times are dark, they are unsettling. But there will always be the silver linings. The kind people that help are the ones making this whole situation a whole lot better. They should always be remembered and appreciated after this.

All the key workers, bravely working throughout a time when they could be endangering theirs or their loved ones lives by just stepping out to go to work and keep the country running. Super market staff, NHS, fire fighters, police, lorry drivers, farmers, the list goes on- thank you all.

I have learnt a lot from one month of isolation. I have learnt that light can still shine in the dark times, that it’s ok if our usual modern day time and routine is washed away momentarily. Because all that matters is the people we love. Taking care of them, keeping them safe, keeping in touch. I know on the other side of this, that I will get to see those I love again. And I will never ever take them, or normal life for granted again.

What has one month in isolation taught you? Comment below, I would love to hear from you.

If you would like to hear my thoughts on why I think social distancing will have an impact on mental health, check out my blog here.

If you need some ideas on things to do in isolation, check out my blog here.

Q and A With Kay; A Rapid Transformation Therapist

Kay Harrington is a rapid transformational therapist in Dorset, UK. Kay kindly gave up some of her time to sit over Zoom and talk to me about RTT; from what it is, the process and what the benefits are. If you are suffering with anxiety, depression or another mental health illness, RTT is a fantastic solution as it helps to tackle the roots and causes of these illnesses. Here is my Q and A with Kay.

What is rapid transformation therapy?

Rapid transformation therapy aka RTT is an award winning therapy developed by the British therapist Marisa Peer. It focuses on eradicating our limiting beliefs that can hold us back in our lives. Through hypnosis, we go back and look at experiences that have affected us often in childhood and begin to understand them. We look at the affect that they’re having on our lives now.

When we understand the limiting beliefs, we are able to change them and install better beliefs that help us live our best lives.

What are limiting beliefs?

Many of our beliefs that we hold as adults were installed by others from the age of zero to seven. These beliefs can become ingrained in us and they might not always serve us very well. My job is to help us delve into those limiting beliefs, how and where we got them and to begin forming and making our own beliefs.

For example, how often growing up did we hear money doesn’t grow on trees? Or we can’t afford that? Or rich people aren’t nice people? These beliefs can limit us hugely in the area of money and success as we can hold onto these throughout our life.

How does RTT work?

Using hypnosis, which is just a lovely relaxing trance that we go into similar to just before we drop off to sleep, we do an RTT session which is about two hours long. In the RTT session we do detective work to find out what beliefs are holding us back in life. We eliminate these beliefs and we install better ones.

During the RTT session, a personalised transformational recording is made and clients listen to this recording every day for 21 days. The recording is about 20 minutes long and this embeds the new beliefs and creates new strong neural pathways within the mind. These new beliefs serve us so much better than the old limiting ones. I am always on hand for 21 days to support and teach individuals techniques to help them going forward.

How long does it take to see results?

This varies from person to person. Many issues are resolved within one to three sessions per issue, (one to three 21 day packages). There are three types of change;

  1. Some people experience instant relief and a feeling of peace
  2. Others are cumulative which happens over the 21 day period
  3. Whereas others can be retroactive. For example, they look back after three months and have a sudden realisation of how much better they feel and how much more they have achieved.

How many times can you go through rapid transformational therapy?

Normally one to three sessions is enough for each issue that somebody has. This is the beauty of this therapy, it stops the need for going every week for months, sometimes years on end to a therapist.

What are the advantages of RTT compared to talk therapy?

Talk therapy most definitely has a place for some individuals and my role is not to denigrate this type of therapy at all. However, what is so unique about RTT is that clarity is gained very quickly on the root cause of the issue and with this clarity it is possible very quickly to repair the situation. It’s not just a sticking plaster, it gets to the root cause of our issues.

Although the initial outlay of RTT is higher, it can save thousands of pounds in weekly visits to a conventional therapist.

Using the hypnosis allows us to access our subconscious mind which has the answers to everything. It is like a tape recorder of our life and by simply asking it, it gives us the answers we need. Hypnosis is deeply relaxing and it helps us bypass that critical chatter we often experience in order to break down any barriers that might prevent us from getting to the root cause.

How can I access RTT?

Have a look on my website Kay Harrington Therapy, or you can find me on LinkedIn.

I do a completely free confidential discovery call in which I can explain more.

Sessions can be carried out via Zoom or in person.

How much will rapid transformational therapy cost?

If you are interested in RTT, check out my website which will show you what’s included in my 21 day package. We can then discuss pricing during our discovery call. This is a completely no obligation call- I will not pressure you at all into signing up for anything but I would love to just discuss your requirements and if I am able to help with your presenting issue.

Unfortunately, I am not able to work with all cases, but I will make you aware of this during our initial discovery call and may be able to direct you to someone who can help.

I hope that this blog has given you some useful information about Rapid Transformational Therapy aka RTT. I was very lucky to get the chance to talk to Kay about this fascinating therapy.

Anxiety and depression can be extremely overwhelming, often we lose hope that we will never feel better about life, or ourselves. If you’re like me, you would have spent a lot of time being very self-critical and not living your best life due to limiting beliefs. It’s time to put a stop to this, to work on ourselves and move forward, free of these beliefs and ready to live a better more fulfilled and anxiety free life.

Have you tried RTT before? If so, what did you think of it? Leave a comment below, we would love to hear from you.

If you would like more guidance on where to start seeking help with anxiety, check out this blog post from the archives. Full of resources, it will give you some ideas on where to seek further help.

If you would like to know more about my own unique journey with anxiety, why not start back at the beginning?

How To Cleanse Your Life For Spring

It’s finally Spring time. We can all shake off those winter blues and the chilly frosty cold. The flowers are sprouting from their buds, the trees are starting to bloom and reveal a sea of greenery around us. The mornings and evenings and lighter, and somehow spring time makes life seem a bit lighter. Now, we all know what else Spring brings; time to Spring Clean! So how can you cleanse your life for Spring?

De-Clutter The House

The best place to start is your home. By removing excess material possessions and clutter that have no place in your home anymore, you are also helping to ease mental matter too. You’ll find you will end up with less housework, and therefore less stressing to do each day too. You’ll be surprised that a clutter free home will do to your mind too.

Have you got a lot of toys in the house? Maybe get your children to sit with you and have a toy clear out. You can get them involved in the sorting out and cleaning process, allowing them to understand the need to let things go when they have served their purpose. Don’t forget to teach them refuse, re-use and recycle, too.

Order any new items that you may need for the house. Maybe you need some new towels for the kitchen, or some new storage or organisation solutions. It’ll make you feel more upbeat and positive about your living space.

Prepare The Garden

Over the coming months you will be spending more time outside. That is why it’s a great time to prepare the garden and any furniture you may have for it now. Create a cosy, comforting space for the exterior of your home too.

Getting out in the fresh air is so good for the soul. Fresh air is great for clearing your mind, and gives you a great chance to practise mindfulness, too. Spending time working on the gardening is also a great little hobby to get into this Spring time, allowing you to find escapism and distract your busy mind from negative thoughts.

Follow some of my ideas above to help declutter your life for Spring.

Start Walking More

Now is the perfect time to stretch your legs and get into a regular regime with walking. It’ll help boost your health and get you outside in the Spring sunshine. This will give you ample opportunity to practise mindfulness yet again.

Not only would regular walking help to boost your physical health, but it will also help your mental health too. Perhaps ask a friend if they fancy joining you, too?

What Upcoming Events Do You Have?

Write a list of your upcoming events this Spring. What will you need? What do you need to buy or book onto?

It’s great to plan ahead. You can prepare yourself for events coming up that perhaps you feel anxious about, whilst ensuring you have everything you need for it too so that when it comes to the date, you are feeling more prepared and in control.

Often anxious feelings come from the sense of not feeling in control, but by planning ahead and looking at upcoming events in advance, you can eliminate this issue and feeling.

Have A Wardrobe Overhaul

Have a clear out of your wardrobe. Then go out and get anything that you may be lacking in, maybe your jeans are starting to get to thin and are threatening to break? Or perhaps you could do with some dresses or clothing ready for Summer time?

Try a slightly different style, you never know; it may transform your confidence. Treat yourself to a new clothing item, as it’s important to show yourself some love and reward yourself for being as awesome as you are.

Now is a great time to get a better skin care regime. Often our skin has suffered with the harsh winter weather and central heating. You could sort out your make up, and get rid of any that have gone past the expiry date as these could negative affect your skin. Then start a new regime that will have your skin feeling soft and healthy.

Healthy New Habits

Maybe this Spring you could try some healthy new habits. Mindfulness is a great concept to explore and practise. It will help to teach you not to dwell on the past, or fret about the future and learn to be in the here and now.

This Spring I want to be more mindful, to practise body scans when my anxiety is bad and to absorb life more fully. It could be as simple as noticing your surroundings on your walk, rather than letting life walk on by.

Stop dwelling on the past. It’s no good for you or your mental health to dwell about the past. What’s been has been and there is nothing you can change now. Learn to let go of the past, to accept it with kindness and to learn and look forward to the future. Forget about what’s happened over the Winter, and embrace Spring with open arms.

A Virtual Declutter

Spring time isn’t just a great time to declutter your physical space in your home, but it is a great time to have a virtual declutter. Go though your phone to delete all unwanted items. Make sure to check under notes, photo, apps and other content. Have an email clear out too.

Go through your laptop and clear out photos and files. Your phone and technology will work quicker, and more efficiently and you will feel good for the digital clear out.

Plan a refresh for Spring.

Follow some of my ideas above to help declutter your life for Spring. It’s time to organise the next steps in life. To let go of the past, both physically and emotionally and look forward to what life has in store next for you. You will feel so much better after your declutter.

Follow some of my ideas above to help declutter your life for Spring.

How often do you Spring clean? Is there a certain time of year that you do it? Pop a comment below, I would love to hear from you.

If you are looking for inspiration to help boost your mood, click here.

If you are looking for ways to let your spirit feel free, click here.

What Makes You Feel Powerful? Why Power Can Be Okay.

Anxiety has habit of draining our confidence. It can make us feel weak, small and overwhelmed. It’s hard to feel in control at times, when all we want to do is grab our steering wheel in life and be the driver. So, what can make you feel powerful again?

What Is Power?

According to the dictionary, power is ‘the ability or capacity to do something or act in a particular way‘. Feeling powerful doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, not like when people let ‘power go to their head’. It can give us all the confidence to go and chase our dreams, or accomplish our goals. Those with anxiety very rarely feel powerful. Mostly, they feel overwhelmed. They can feel weak and small.

Now when power goes to your head, it’s a whole different matter. In these circumstances, power is more physical- and this happens to those with money, or in management. Or those with a hold on other people. When you use your physical power against people, this is wrong.

But power doesn’t always have to be bad. Power and feeling powerful can be good for your soul and confidence.

What Makes Your Powerful?

Have a think about what makes you feel powerful, like you can soar or conquer the world. For me it’s these things;

  • I am a Mother
  • I have a loving family around me
  • I have some incredible friends around me and I am a good friend back to them
  • I live independently with my Husband, raising our children who look up to me for support and guidance
  • I went to uni and achieved a degree
  • I run my own business
  • I know I am brave, after 4 broken bones, knees cut open and 6 operations
  • I am becoming mindful- a great quality to have
  • I have faced a lot in my past- and I’m not even 30! I know I am strong
  • The right music and soundtrack can make me feel powerful and motivate me
  • As can certain quotes
  • I am me- no one else can be me

Think about moments in your life when you feel in control. Does a certain movie or TV programme motivate you and make you feel powerful? What about music?

Power Up Your Life

As mentioned above, power doesn’t have to be abused or seen as a bad thing. When you feel powerful, and use this in a positive, motivational way, it is a good feeling to experience. Now you’ve thought about what makes you feel powerful, reflect on your list.

Firstly, did you manage to write anything down? Maybe at this moment in time, not a lot makes you feel powerful. That’s ok, but make it your mission to find something. Go through playlists on Spotify and try to find a song that makes you want to kick anxiety’s backside. Or try listening to podcasts that can motivate you.

If you found that there were things, try to introduce them more into your weekly routine. Boost your confidence, motivate yourself and start to let powerful be a concept for you.

What Makes You Feel Like You Can Soar?

As you can see, feeling powerful does not have to be dangerous. It doesn’t have to be seen as being superior or rude. Don’t use people, or power. Don’t abuse it either. Just boost your confidence, and allow yourself to feel powerful, and not weakened by anxiety. Revel in the activities that allow you to feel this and power up your life.

If you enjoyed this post, why not check out my article on what makes you feel free.

If you are feeling down in the dumps, read this article on how to tackle those low moods.

What They Don’t Warn You About Motherhood And Anxiety

Motherhood changed me. There’s no doubt about it. I became less selfish, kinder, warmer and a much better version of myself. But there was the flip side to it. I lost myself a little. I love my children more than anything and I have loved every stage of their life so far. I strive to be the best mum I can possibly be. But there are certainly elements to motherhood that are made much more difficult when you suffer with anxiety.

You’re Not Alone.

At times it felt like I was the only one that felt so isolated. I love my children so much but I was losing myself whilst the anxiety monster on my shoulder got bigger.

However, with time I realised that I wasn’t alone. That other Mothers were going through what I was. Since those days, I have spoken to so many that have also felt the same. Although this is upsetting, it also is reassuring that I haven’t been alone in how I felt.

The Sunday Night Feeling.

Have you ever experienced the Sunday night feeling? Perhaps when you were a child, dreading the week of school ahead of you. Or maybe you were in a job that drained you and the thought of heading into the office in the morning made you want to press pause on life, like Bernards watch was capable of doing.

This is how I felt. Even though I had no school, no job. In fact, most would have dreamt of having the week ahead to choose what they wanted to do. But let me explain, having children and being 100% responsible for a life is the most daunting thing I have ever experienced.

When the boys started crawling, I had to baby proof my whole house and ensure that NOTHING that was a choking hazard was within reach. Then when they were weaning, I dreaded each meal time as I didn’t want them to choke. I watched countless videos on how to stop a child from choking.

Not forgetting cot death. Which doesn’t just happen in the cot but anywhere, anytime of day.

I was responsible for keeping these children alive. They meant the whole world to me and it was like pieces of my heart were now walking out in the outside world rather than safe inside my uterus. I would break if anything happened to them.

That is why I worried on a Sunday night. Because all weekend I had my husband there to share joint responsibilities. When he was around, I could go to the toilet, or drink a cup of tea without worrying that something would happen in the fraction of the time it took to boil a kettle.

As time went on, I realised I was capable of watching them and looking after them. But the worry of a parent is something unfathomable. And so I almost dreaded worrying for the entire week, worrying that I was doing something wrong. That’s why anxiety and motherhood don’t go together well. I worried anyway, then I worried more for this person I was caring for.

The Feeling Of Loneliness.

You’d think that by having company 24/7, you couldn’t possibly feel lonely. Well, you’d be wrong.

The loneliness you feel as a parent is entirely different to a loneliness when you are alone. It’s odd. But the only explanation is, that you feel trapped inside your head with all these thoughts and feelings which although you could try and express to your baby or toddler, they just wouldn’t cooperate back.

Only having a small tot to talk to is lonely. You crave attention and adult conversation. You word vomit the second you come into contact with another adult. Even if it’s your delivery man.

The loneliness is one of the most difficult things I faced. Even though I had my baby’s company, I still felt cut off from the outside world.

Self Care Is Forgotten.

When you have a small child, you are so focused on every ounce of their care and routine- that often, your own self care is forgotten or put on the back seat. This is what causes a lot of the anxious issues.

To help combat mental health issues such as anxiety, self care is essential. It helps to revitalise your soul and allow you to refresh. It stops you from becoming drained.

Unfortunately, when you are spending every waking hour tending to your baby or toddler, it’s often your needs that are placed to one side and ultimately this ends up creating issues further upstream.

The Changes Your Body Goes Through.

Another element that affects a lot of mothers, is their body changing. Obviously your body is put under so much strain when it is carrying a baby, and for some your body never goes back to the way it was.

This could be physical- such as a stomach that isn’t as flat as it used to be, or visible stretch marks (they do fade though).

Or it could be that the health of your body changes. My health certainly hasn’t been the same since my youngest. Either way, the changes your body go through are both incredible and miraculous, but they also put a strain on yourself and your confidence.

Fading Until You Just Become “Mum”.

It almost feels as if your uniqueness and your characteristics fade until you just become “Mum”. This is most likely due to the fact that you get next to no time to yourself. Your whole life revolves around your little ones, so what made you “you”, is less apparent.

You are tired, exhausted, drained. You live off few hours of sleep a night and I don’t think you ever truly catch up on sleep from those first few years. So whenever you do get time to yourself, you’re desperately trying to recharge your batteries, rather than having the time to enjoy a hobby.

Essentially, you feel like you lose your identity and become “mom”. Your former identity dissipates for a while.

It Does Get Easier.

What I can tell you, after years of experiencing the above, is that it does get better and easier. Everything settles down. When children get older, they become more independent and you’ll miss it when they weren’t. But it does mean you suddenly have these small gaps of time where you get to focus on yourself again. You’re less in demand, which means naturally you are less exhausted and drained.

My youngest started school just over a year ago. I kept crying at the thought of him going, I dreaded it. I suddenly felt “not ready” for my stay at home mum days to be over. But I’ve gotten used to the quiet now. I work from home, yet I don’t feel lonely. I feel like those hours in the day I am able to be me again, to work hard and achieve my own personal goals and to invest in myself. Then when I pick them up from school, I am so so happy to see their faces and we just strive to make the most of the time we have together.

As my boys have gotten older, they have become their own character and person. And my two are amazing. I laugh so hard with them now, they say the most funny things. They crack me up. They take notice of things I like and dislike and they help me out now. Infact they do take care of me and care for me. All of those years of hard work raising them from womb to toddlers, it’s paying off. They still need me a lot, but on a different level now. I also need them.

Motherhood gets easier. Parenting never gets easier but it is different. Each stage of your child’s life will have its ups and downfalls. But motherhood is different to parenting. Motherhood is a feeling, and it’s one that gets easier with time. So hang in there, you’ve got this.

If you’d like to read more about my journey with anxiety, start at the beginning.

It’s also worth being cautious with social media too, read here to find out more.

What Makes You Laugh? Why You Need To Be Laughing Every Day!

Laughter is a hugely underrated activity. A lot of us may do this often, but often a lot of us lose the ability to laugh when mental health issues are weighing down on us. At times, anxiety and depression can leave you gasping for air, let alone expelling excess air in a belly roaring laugh. So, what makes you laugh? And why is it important to try and do this each and everyday?

We All Have Different Laughter Triggers.

We all find different things funny. Write a list of your laughter triggers. Here’s mine:

  • My amazing boys. My children often do or say hilarious things.
  • Ant and Dec. Two of the funniest people to grace my TV presence. I love watching I’m a Celeb and Saturday Night Takeaway.
  • Toilet Humour. Yes, I still have toilet humour.
  • You’ve Been Framed. A TV classic!
  • My family. These are the people that make me laugh the most.
  • Friends. I love having a laughing fit with a friend.
  • Old memories. A trip down memory lane, focusing on the funny moments that reel off in my brain, like real life clips that belong on You’ve Been Framed, always does the trick.
  • Being stupidly tired. Does anyone else get to that tired giggly state?

Friends is the ultimate TV show that makes me laugh.

Try a funny book- Very British Problems has great reviews!

Surround Yourself With The Right People.

People that spark joy and laughter are the best people to be around. Life is too short to be around those that are only interested in idle gossip and drama.

Make sure your circle of friends are the type that aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves and the ones that you often smile and laugh around. If they’re not, make sure you are finding company that loves a giggle too!

If you’re unsure of your friendships- read my blog post on how to tell if your friendships are healthy.

Laugh Each and Every Day.

It’s important to make laughter part of your every day life. Laughter releases happy endorphins, whilst reducing the levels of stress hormones such as cortisol and dopamine.

It provides a positive release of emotions, leaving you lighter and happier. It is good for you. But we, as adults, don’t do it enough.

Children laugh over 400 times a day, where as us adults laugh a lot less. Yet, we are the ones that need it the most. Try to find the laughter and humour in every day life. Look at your list, make sure you’re fitting one of these activities into your life each day.

Maybe it’s going on YouTube to watch funny videos? Or going for a drink with a friend?

Laughter connects us all, it takes away from the stresses and strains of every day life and gives us a work out with our stomach muscles! Get more laughter in your life.

You need to be laughing each and every day!

When Was The Last Time You Laughed?

If it wasn’t today, then make it your mission to have a laugh at something today! Try something from your list of laughter triggers, or go on YouTube to find a funny video compilation. Allow yourself time each and everyday to have a giggle.

Soon, you will feel the benefits of this simple, yet effective, human response.

You could also check out my blog post and get some ideas on how to boost your happiness.

What is a laughter trigger for you? Pop a comment below, I would love to hear from you.

This blog post may contain affiliate links. If you click on these and you order an item, you will not be charged extra, however I will get a small commission to help with the running of this blog. Thank you.

The Friendship Timeline Theory That Changed My Attitude.

As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, when I explained the game of ‘Friendship Tennis’ I went through counselling with my local NHS mental health service. I knew I needed to seek a little guidance and help to boost myself and get me out of the dark hole I had found myself in. This was when I found out about the friendship timeline theory that changed my attitude.

One of the reassuring themes that we discussed was my overwhelming habit of feeling negative about myself and not feeling good enough.

Friendships were the reason I felt bad about myself.

Or so I thought, anyway. But I felt bad about myself because I wasn’t investing in myself enough. Thankfully, with my counsellor, I began working on my self-esteem and building it back up by doing things for myself.

Building up my self esteem is ultimately what made me feel better about myself, my life and those in it. More of that another time! If you need to boost your self esteem- this book on Amazon is amazing.

At the time though, I was always dwelling on the past. It’s an extremely common thing to do when you have anxieties. In particular, I was dwelling on those that had left my life. I was constantly blaming myself for the friendships that had departed. I was constantly questioning what was wrong with me.

It all changed when I learnt about timelines and friendships.

I once questioned my counsellor on why people leave. It was then that he gave me advice that I have taken away and never forgotten. It has completely changed my view on life and friendships. I will explain the theory below.

In life, we have a timeline. This runs linear. But what if our friendships don’t run linear? Also, imagine all of the hundreds of people that will cross our path in life. Do we really imagine that we can carry them forwards, for the rest of our lives along side us?

Friendships can’t last the entirety of our lives. There are far too many people to meet, that will weave in and out of our lives. Friendships also don’t have to run in a straight line. Some friendships come and go and come back at a later date again. Some come and then go, on with their own pathway in life.

Some friends are for a season, a reason or a lifetime.

This is a well known saying that I have heard hundreds of time. But now more than ever it makes sense. Not everyone can always be a part of your life. Some are there for a season. Some suit your current lifestyle and situation, but will not always. For example, I had a lovely group of friends at university but I haven’t remained in touch with all of them. But the ones I have, are extremely special to me.

Some people are there for a reason. They could be there to teach you something, show you want you don’t want in a friendship, or teach you about yourself. For example, a recent friend of mine I thought the absolute world of, however, after some time she became distant and then just stopped talking altogether and went on her own way. I was so upset when it initially happened, but I learnt a lot from the friendship.

I learnt not to afraid to be myself, not to cover up the good things in my life just to stop a friend getting envious. I also learnt a big lesson- if someone is talking negatively about friends of theirs, there is a good chance that is how they speak about you too. That is something I watch out for now.

Then there are lifetime friends.

Life time friends are the one that stick around for the long haul. However, this doesn’t mean that they don’t weave in and out of your life. My best friend and I have been through times where we’ve been so close, then haven’t spoken as we’ve both been busy with our own lives, seeing each other all of the time to now catching up where we can. But because she is a lifetime friend, I know she’s there if I need her.

You can go weeks, months, even years not talking to these lifetime friends. When you do eventually talk, it feels like no time has past. So just because a friend is being distant with you now, if they are meant to be in your life in the long haul, they will weave in and out.

If you wanted to learn more about friendships, check out this book on Amazon.

Some friends are there for a season, a reason or a lifetime.

The correlation between friends and the effort made.

Another thing that I learnt, is you need to realistically look at how close a friend is currently and expect a certain level of effort based on that.

It doesn’t mean they will always be at that point, but take note for now;

  • If a friend isn’t a close friend, you don’t need to be talking or seeing them regularly at all. They don’t fit into your life as easily as maybe they once did. Make sure you are playing the tennis game. Effort should work both ways, but don’t expect it to be too regular.
  • If they are fairly close, but not a best friend or a daily part of your life, you will speak fairly regularly but don’t have to catch up too often in person.
  • If they are close and fit into your life perfectly at this moment in time, you will probably be speaking most days and meeting up a couple of times a month. These are your close friends for now but who knows where they will be on the friendship line in the future?

I hope that this has helped you to realise that a persons effort should be based on where they’re at in your life. I hope it has shown you that just because a friend isn’t close with you currently, that might just be for now, but in the future you may be closer.

If they have departed and are on their own pathway in life, then wish them well but know that they have served their purpose, season or reason.

Don’t forget- watch out for the toxic friendships and make sure that you are being treated right too.

This blog post may contain affiliate links. If you click on the link and purchase an item, you will be charged nothing extra, however I will receive a small commission which helps towards the running of this blog, thank you.

14 Ideas on How to Make Your Spirit Feel Free.

Summer time always reminds me of freedom. There is something so mood boosting about the sun shining, warmer weather and the longer days. My children are off school, we are currently not being ruled by the routine of everyday mundane life.

At the time of writing, the last of the summer holidays are looming and soon Autumn will be upon us. It got me thinking- what else makes my spirit feel free? If you are feeling tied down by everyday life, if you are feeling overwhelmed, why not try one of my ideas below and see how you feel after?

14 Ideas on How to Make Your Spirit Feel Free.
  1. A trip to the sea side. Being on the beach, with the sand sprinkling in between my toes and watching the waves crash into the sea; a moment of pure bliss and relaxation. It makes me realise that the World is huge and my problems are small. It makes me feel calm, content. It brings me back to my youth and the many trips to the beach I had. It makes me feel free. Why not take a day off and take a road trip to the beach? Build sandcastles, paddle in the sea and go explore the rock pools.
  2. Singing in the car. I love to sing along to music loudly on a car journey. I’m no good at singing, but it still allows me to feel free. Try it next time you’re in the car- sing loudly without a care in the world. Really feel the music.
  3. Having a lazy day. Having the odd lazy day reminds me how important it is to take time for myself. I never feel like I have time for it, but I do it anyway. It’s important to make time for yourself. I feel the freedom from the chains of the chores. It feels good. Allow yourself a lazy day from time to time and feel free from the everyday routine.
  4. Having a de-clutter. Sometimes I feel like material possessions and clutter can tie us down. So every so often, I love to have a de-clutter and give it away to charity. The home benefits from having a regular declutter, but your mind will too. For anyone wanting an easy and do-able cleaning system- try The Organised Mum Method– it really works!
  5. Reminder of my childhood days. I love to sit in my parent’s garden in a particular spot and look out to the fields that have been the backdrop to my childhood home. It reminds me of my childhood days, its brings me comfort but also it reminds me of how far I’ve come and what I’ve achieved over the years and it boosts my confidence. Is there a place you can go that will remind you of your childhood days?
  6. Playing at the park with my children. I love to head to the local park with my children and watch them play and explore. It’s a beautiful feeling when you’re pushing your child on the swing and watching their face gleefully light up. It’s a stark reminder that playtime doesn’t have to end just because you’re an adult. In fact, now more than ever we should allowing ourselves time each week to have fun. If you have children, make it a habit to visit your local park. If you don’t, find something fun to do with friends like paint balling or going to a mud run with inflatables.
  7. Exploring the woods or a new area. Going on a walk some where new exploring, or delving into the dark woods entwined by the tree branches above, often makes me feel alive. It reminds me that there is so much of this beautiful world that I am yet to explore and see, my children love it too and on the whole it’s just good for the soul. When was the last time you explored somewhere new? Go to the woods this weekend and take a note of all the wildlife around you.
  8. Strange comforts. I have a habit every night of taking my fluffy socks off in bed and then I love feeling the cold and softness of my bedsheets on my skin. To go from the fluffy warmth, to the soft coolness of the sheets is a comfort I get every night. Some may think it’s odd, but to have our own strange comforts- that’s true freedom. Have you got a strange comfort that boosts your mood?
  9. Baking. When, I bake and it is successful, I have such a euphoric feeling. I love to bake, but sometimes it doesn’t always go amazing, so when it does I do feel like I have really achieved something and I absolutely love to have my own hobbies and interests. Have you got a hobby that you enjoy? Why not try baking your favourite cake this week? Try this, Baking with Kim-Joy book here to give you some cute and creative bakes to make you smile.
  10. Being ahead/ on top of jobs. Whenever I am ahead of my job list, or at least on top of them and I am feeling in control, I feel very accomplished and free to then invest my spare time into me. Which is a very freeing feeling. Do you make an effort to make lists? Make sure to make them achievable so that you can feel this way too.
  11. Paddling feet in the paddling pool. This brings me back to childhood days too, so I love to pop my feet in a paddling pool and feel the coolness of the water wash over my toes and ankles. Go for a paddle in the sea or in a paddling pool. Feel the water, really feel it and breathe.
  12. Shopping. I love a bit of retail therapy. It’s not often that I am able to actually do it guilt free, so whenever I do it really does boost my spirits. Go on a little shopping trip and treat yourself to something nice.
  13. Whenever my anxieties leave me alone. Even if it is only for a moment, whenever I feel that I am not anxious in any way at all, that is the ultimate freeing feeling. To not be bound by those negative thoughts and feelings and being filled with self doubt and anxious thoughts. To feel care free, that makes my spirit feel alive. Is there anything you do in particular to keep your anxiety in check? Do it today. To help on the times where you feel in a slump, check out my blog post here.
  14. Drinking with friends. Love and laughter are often two of the most needed things in life. So whenever I am able to catch up with a good friend over a drink, have a light hearted evening and a laugh, it really does make me feel great. Arrange an evening out with your friends to celebrate and drink to life.

On the whole, I do enjoy having my daily and weekly routine. It helps me to keep everything in order, from what I need to be doing for my children and their school life, to what work I need to get done to when’s best to eat and go to bed.

But, from time to time, it is essential to get out of the mundane everyday life. To do something that will boost my spirit and make me feel lightness and freedom.

To read more fun ideas, check out my blog post here on 12 fun ideas to help boost happiness.

I love to explore new places, such as woods and ruins.

What makes your spirit feel free? Is there anything on the list above that you love to do too? Why not give a few a go, or try and complete the list by October and see how you feel.

This article may contain affiliate links. If you click on these and make a purchase, it will not cost you any extra but I will get a small commission from the sale to help with the running of this blog. Thank you.