There are many different reasons for you to feel overwhelmed. Whether you’re a mum, juggling the demands of your children’s needs as well as your own, or whether your work has become a stressor. Life often gives us too many plates to juggle. Feeling overwhelmed? Here’s what to do next…
1. Brain Dump
When I am feeling utterly overwhelmed, I brain dump. That involves getting a big piece of paper, some coloured pens and then dumping everything that’s on my mind onto the paper. I can categorise it into to-do’s, worries, thoughts, ideas etc. Then that way I can move forward.
2. Write a List
Write a list of everything you have to do. From your brain dump, you should be able to identify what on there that you need to do practically.
When writing the list, colour code the importance of the tasks for the day. Red is your MUST do’s. Orange, would be good to do then finally your green is your would like to do’s.
For the next week, try and do 3 red tasks each day until they are done, then work through your orange and so on. As someone who works from home, I often have to prioritise my work and my tasks on a daily basis. This is how I achieve it.
3. For those worries…
I have in a previous blog talked about ‘Worry Time’. This is a really useful tool when it comes to combatting mental health, as it helps you to control your worries rather than allowing them to take over your life. You can read about ‘Worry Time’ here.
I have used ‘Worry Time’ whenever my worries overwhelm me. It really is a great method of organising your worries, so that you feel less overwhelmed day to day.
Write these down as green to do’s on your list. Or if they are turning into worries, add them to your worry time.
5. Is outsourcing or delegating possible?
In life we can be juggling too many plates. Are you able to outsource or delegate any of those things?
For example, if the housework is getting too much, can you get a cleaner in once a fortnight? Or draft up a family chores list so that your children or partner can help you out? You’d be surprised at how capable children are. I get my boys to load up the washing machine, make their beds and sweep after dinner. They also tidy the cushions up and do other random jobs throughout the day. These may be small chores, but they help so much.
When it comes to work, can you talk to a boss and let them know how you are struggling with everything? Or if you run your own business, can you outsource? For me, I have a bookkeeper to take care of the financial elements.
Think about things you can outsource or delegate. When it comes to worries, have you got someone you trust to sit down with you and come up with a plan of action to combat those worries?
6. Keep organised
There are many ways you can organise yourself in life. For example, a meal plan will help you to keep track of your intended meals each day and help you to write your weekly or monthly shopping list. Whereas writing and sticking to a budget will help you to prioritise your finances, reducing the likelihood of this then becoming a worry further down the line. You can also keep a diary to organise your social life, family commitments, appointments and work life.
Keeping organised will help you to lessen the overwhelmed feelings. These seem like simple things to do, but often when life becomes too much, they fall at the way side. Try your best to keep on top of them so things don’t pile up.
Don’t forget to breathe…
The feeling of overwhelm can be a bit much at times. So, don’t forget to breathe. Go through my list above and try to implement one of these a week for the next few weeks. Slow and steadily, you can combat that overwhelmed feeling and start to regain control in your life. I hope you get on ok.
Life can be full of confusion, conflicts and chaos. Sometimes it is hard to sift through everything, especially when you suffer with anxiety, to see clearly. It got me thinking, what if we could sift through some of the rubbish. What if we could ignore certain aspects of life in order to become happier? Well, I’ve written a list of 10 things we should be ignoring in order to make this happen.
1. The media when it tries to scaremonger you. I studied media and journalism at university and so I know just how much certain news stories are sensationalised. I know all too well what makes a good news story and it isn’t one where nothing happens. The media can be good, but it can also be really bad when you suffer with anxiety. Just remember- take it with a pinch of salt. Don’t take to heart what is reported and make sure you get a balanced view of what you read.
2. Google and forums when you search your symptoms. Too many times I have panicked with symptoms, googled them and then panicked some more. Google is not a substitute for a doctor. If you are concerned about anything then the best thing to do is seek proper medical advice and stop using google or forums for this. Since I have stopped doing this, I never seem to panic about my symptoms, and I find me phoning the doctors less too. I seem to have really calmed down about everything medical- even when it comes to my children.
3. Jealous friends and aquantaces when giving advice. If you suspect a friend of being jealous of you, then take any advice they give with a pinch of salt. You should only be asking true friends which have your back through thick and thin for advice or you may end up in a worse situation then you already were in. Sometimes, we give ourselves the best advice too, so try that too. Be your own perfect nurturer and you will not be let down.
4. Silence. Silence is the worst when you are feeling lonely. At times it can be a pleasant retreat for me as a Mother- having silence grace my life from time to time can be a blessing and something my body needs. But when I am feeling lonely, silence needs to be banished so I always fill it with music in these circumstances. Music heals the soul.
5. What other people are doing. We are all different. We are all on different unique paths in our lives. As long as we are living the life we want, we shouldn’t compare. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Do This 1 Thing Each Day To Help Anxiety and you will soon see the light in your own life and realise that it doesn’t matter what others are doing- as long as you find happiness and meaning in your own life, than you are doing incredible. Never compare yourself. Just focus on yourself and things will feel lighter and happier.
6. Ignore social media. This is similar to the last one in terms of having to ignore what other people are doing. But this is in a broader sense. It includes what people’s statuses and pictures seemingly show. You must remember that social media is a highlight reel. It only reveals what people want it to. Who really knows what goes on behind closed doors? It’s an exaggeration of real life. And at times, it is even make believe. So take it lightly. And don’t fret over what pictures or statuses people put up.
7. Other people’s ‘likes’. It’s easy to get drawn into the social media craze. This modern day obsession with everything social media scares me at times. And I think it’s no coincidence that the rates of depression and anxiety are increasing. The pressure that social media creates is ridiculous. There are new worries and things to obsess over thanks to social media. One of those is comparison of ‘likes’.
I’ve been there- thinking how mad it is how someone can have a certain number when I’m pretty sure I don’t even know that amount of people. The main thing to remember, is that we are all different. Just like school days, there will always be people more popular than you, the same or less popular than you. We have all walked different paths and along those paths we have met different people. For me, I have been a stay at home mum the past 7 years now. So, the amount of people I have met along this unique journey of mine is far less than anyone that has had multiple jobs in this time. Other things to note, are these people may not be active in the person’s life, they may never have met in real life, they may be family or clients. They could come from anywhere- but the most important thing to remember is that it isn’t the likes you should concern yourself with.
You could have 100 likes but only 1 friend reaching out to you. Or 1 like and lots of friends reaching out to talk to you. Which would you prefer? I know which I do. I used to be confused, I used to want to try to compete at the likes game. But it’s ridiculous. It’s false, and it’s not the type of world I want to engage in. I want the real word. The real friends. I want to base my respect on someone, not on how many likes they have gotten, but how kind they are. I am lucky to have such wonderful friends that take the time to message me and see me, this makes me ultimately far happier than them liking my posts. Because that doesn’t last as long as bonding with a real friendship does.
8. Your phone. I think it’s great to ignore your phone, at times. When you’re with your friends or family then learn to put it down and take in life. You will end up connecting and bonding far more with the people in front of you than anyone on the other side of the phone at that time. Give people your full attention. I do tend to have my phone out on the side during dinner, but that’s only for one reason- incase my husband needs to call me if anything happens at home. Also, the odd photo is lovely to take to capture a moment- but don’t let it dominate your time out.
I love to put my phone away at other random times- of an evening, I tend to put it to one side so that I can indulge in the time with my children- especially when we play a board game and do stories before bed. Also, if I want to get creative, read or just binge on TV. I find it so important to switch off and take time for myself. The messages can and will wait until I am ready. I will always be there when people need me, but if a conversation can wait a few hours or till the morning than it does. I think having time away is essential for improving mental health.
9. Your doubts and fears. It is so easy when you suffer with anxiety to doubt yourself and everything you do constantly. But try to change this and your way of thinking. Start believing that you can do it and that you can achieve your goals and dreams. Then start putting steps into place.
10. The anxious demon that sits on your shoulders. Anxiety is a monster. One that sits on your shoulder and makes you second think and doubt everything. And it’s not just doubt and fears. It feeds off negativity and drains you of anything positive. You come away assessing every conversation you had whilst you were out, wondering if you came across annoying. You go to plan something exciting, then doubt if you can do it. There is so much that this anxious demon does and it is trying to quieten the real you. It’s time to ignore this anxious demon and take back your life. There is so much you can do to begin this. Try cycling through previous blog posts to get inspiration- like How to Begin Tackling Anxiety.
I hope that this post has helped given you some ideas on what you should begin to ignore in life. Try to turn your attention to all of the positive things in life, maybe the sun was a bit brighter today, perhaps one of your favourite TV programmes has a new episode out or maybe you were able to feel pride in something you did. Whatever it is, let the positivity rise and ignore all these downfalls that modern life has to offer.
Don’t forget to follow me on social media (links are above) for more regular updates on my journey on overcoming anxiety.
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Sometimes life can leave you feeling a bit drained, like your glass is half empty and you can feel mentally exhausted. I’ve had my fair share of days like this. Days where all I have wanted to do is hide away from life and not face up to my day to day routines. Some days I feel like the World is against me. I feel those around me slipping away. I feel myself slipping into this anxiety swamp. So, what do I do when I’m in a slump, what should you do when you’re in a slump?
Take a long walk in nature. Breathe in the fresh crisp air and look at the beautiful nature around you. There is so much beauty in this world if we really open up to it.
Aromatherapy. The best essential oils for anxiety are Lavender, Camomile, Rose and Frankincense. You can also get some great essential oil packs on Amazon aimed directly at improving Mental Health.
Phone a friend or family member. Even if you don’t know how to explain how you feel, the company will help. Talk about anything even the weather. At times, socialising with anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it is also important to push through as it does help.
Watch some TV or a feel good movie. Personal favourites are The Greatest Showman and Stepbrothers. Escapism is a great way of feeling better and just putting a pause on life until you are more rested and ready to face everyday life again.
Read a book. The DARE book is amazing and I can not recommend it enough. It really does help to gain an insight into how the brain works and help you to start facing anxiety. This will give you a mental boost and a sense of new hope.
I find that when I’m in a slump with my anxiety and mood, I just need to pick something and do it. But also, sometimes it’s ok to accept that I’m having a slump and just let it be for a bit. I never let myself dwell in my low mood for too long, but sometimes just laying on the bed and thinking things through, or sitting still with my thoughts isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It all makes me stronger in the end. But once I’ve sat with my thoughts and had a bad mood for a bit, it’s time to pick one of the activities and then the next and work my way through till I’m out of that slump.
I hope this blog post has helped you. If it has, it would mean so much if you could like or share it on social media. Also pop a comment in the box, I would love to hear from you. Don’t forget to follow me on social media too (links are above)
What if I told you, you could change your perspective and help with your anxiety within two weeks by doing one thing each day? This one simple thing can help improve your anxiety and mental health in such a short space of time.
Anxiety is such a consuming, scary thing to suffer with.
At times I can feel myself drowning with all of my stresses and worries pushing and shoving me further under. At times it’s hard to feel that there is a way out. Sometimes though, just by building one simple activity into a routine, it can make the world of difference.
The activity is simple.
Each night, find a time to reflect on your day. Try to find a nice quiet location, or just lay in bed quietly pondering the events of the day. To be honest, this was something I was doing each night anyway, but instead of seeing positives, all I could draw out was the negatives. What if so and so found me annoying at the school gates? Oh, I forgot to tackle THAT item on my to do list. Did I show enough affection to my husband and children? Could I have been healthier today?
This activity changes your thought patterns.
It takes 11 times of doing something new to change a habit. Do this for 11 days in a row and soon your will start to change your thought patterns and behaviours. So, instead of dwelling on all of the negatives and over analysing what you should or shouldn’t have done, focus on the good. Then eventually, your mind will learn to recognise the good more naturally.
If it helps, even try to write down four good things that have happened each day.
Is that it?
Yes, it really is as simple as focusing on 4 good things that have happened that day. Repeat this everyday for a few weeks and soon your brain will start to naturally draw itself to the good of the day rather than dwelling and ruminating on the bad.
But I find it hard to think about anything good that’s happened.
Although the task is simple, it doesn’t make it easy. Having suffered with anxiety for the last few years, I find it really difficult to pull the good out of a bad day. Some days it feels like the whole world is against you, you question your social life, you question your future and you dwell on your past. But, there are even positives to having anxiety. Sometimes all you need is to practice a new skill that can help grow and strengthen you as a person. That’s what this task aims to do.
Recognising the four good things.
When it comes to listing the 4 good things from each day, don’t try to only focus on the big things. Most of the time, it’s the small and simple things in life that mean the most. Perhaps something big did happen, like a job promotion or you went to a social event which you loved. But maybe it was something small, like fresh bedsheets on the bed or it was the night of your favourite TV show so you curled up to watch, for me it’s The Walking Dead, with a cup of delicious hot chocolate. Keep open minded and just find four good things each day. No matter how big or small.
Soon you’ll find that your mind begins to open up to doing this and it will get easier to find four good things that have happened each day, in fact some days you will be able to list far more than four.
So why not give this a go? Try this one simple, non time consuming activity each and every night for the next few weeks and see how much your anxiety and overall mental health improves.
Have you tried this activity before? Pop a comment below, I would love to hear from you. Also don’t forget to follow me on Facebook (Link is above) If you liked this post and found it helpful then please do give it a like and a share on social media. It would mean the world! Thank you.
I feel like as a mother I am constantly being judged. Ever since those early baby days, I’ve felt like all eyes have been on me over the choices I have made with my parenting; whether I’ve breastfed or bottle-fed and also for being a stay at home mum.
Social media can cause us to be judgmental.
With the increase in social media and people opening up their everyday lives through Snapchat, Facebook and Instagram stories, I feel like everyone is able to judge your every move and look at your life through an open window and make comments. Social media tends to only capture what those that use it want to show so that it becomes a highlight reel of their life or an exaggerated part. Or it may even be completely false and posts are just put up for appearances sake.
These posts make out that you look really happy and put together and that everything is going well in your life. No one knows the truth behind anybody’s posts really. It’s easy to lie on social media, it’s easier to put a gushing picture of a happy family up and say how happy you are and proud you are of your family and how well the kids are doing, how well-behaved they are, than it is to allow people that real insight into your life.
That real insight could be that actually maybe you were struggling that day and maybe you barely made it through that day without shouting at your children or hiding in the corner with a chocolate bar. I think we all feel like we are being judged and we don’t want to seem vulnerable and show the messy side of our lives. Everyone is comparing themselves on social media and wondering why our lives don’t match up to the person’s you are viewing online.
I am constantly comparing myself to other mums online and wondering why my children aren’t as well behaved or achieving as much academically. Or why we don’t appear as happy or even my social life doesn’t compare to those other Mums. I try with my social media posts to reflect a more wholesome account of the whole truth to what my life is really like but I am also making sure I don’t only show the highlights of what’s going on. I think we all live in fear that if we open up ourselves completely that we will face criticism, judgement and be ridiculed by the way our lives are when actually no one is as perfect as they make out through social media. And no one really has it all together and if it seems like someone has or if they said they have, they’ve been lying because we all have our insecurities and we all have our downfalls in life.
Social media portrays our life as how we want it to.
Depending what is placed online, sometimes an ideal image of life is reflected out. So people tend to judge on what they see on these platforms. People can be unkind to each other because they are judging the image that has been sent into the world. This can come out of jealousy, out of bitterness. But we really need to be kinder because we don’t know what other people are going through and how their lives really are. Social media is not an accurate representation of someone’s life and even in the real life, if a mum is boasting about how well things are going for her she could well be hiding behind something. The apparently happiest people sometimes are the saddest, the most social people are sometimes the loneliest. Just because we think we know what someone is like and how their lives are, we really have no idea.
On a side note to this, 2 stories have recently been in the news that have just shocked me at how truly unkind people are. The first was Now magazine being completely unnecessarily vile to Stacey Solomon. Whom, I personally 100% admire for being one of the most real and down to earth celebrities there is. When I view her posts, I don’t come away feeling like rubbish about myself, I’m always uplifted. Because she shows us a real and truthful view into her amazing world. She is stunning and yet she isn’t afraid to show her wobbly bits to us all! Yet a magazine has placed themselves behind their “fans” and have thought that it’s okay to completely talk trash about Stacey. Calling her boring, well I think she is far from boring. She is real. And just because she is a celebrity, she doesn’t deserve that unkindness. Another incident is the bullying of a blogger Scarlett London. All this blogger did was post up a paid advert and she got trolled to an unbelievable level. Of course the image was pretty, pink and perfect looking- she’s working! She was posting up a brilliantly creative image, because that’s her job. And she got given death threats for this. No, Instagram doesn’t always show a realistic lifestyle- but sometimes thats absolutely fine. Just like TV and film- not everything is done realistically. Doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it for what it is and move on with our lives. Why people feel the need to be so unkind and bully online like this goes beyond me. 2 perfect recent examples of what’s wrong with the world now. What happened to kindness?
The danger of ‘putting up appearances’
The danger to only placing online the highlights, or alternate views of our lives, is that we are putting up boundaries and not really letting anyone ever in fully. In today’s modern world we are constantly open to communication 24/7 through social media and texting but are we really connecting on a proper basis? I don’t think people are connecting deeply enough as humans. I think we all live in such a bubble through social media that we’re not really connecting and getting to know each other and instead we are just judging each other through what we see on-screen rather than what’s really accurate.
We use social media to stay in contact and we are texting each other, but are we really connecting?
I have chosen to open up and speak out about my mental health, about the anxieties I suffer with, in the hope that others will. That we break the ‘perfect’ images on social media. That we replace them with realness. With kindness. Even on celebrities photos and accounts, the trolls that comment with such mean and hurtful things. Celebrities are certainly not invincible, as we’ve seen through so many devastating sad news over the past few years, such as Chris Cornell. So why do people think it’s ok to tear these people down? They place judgements on what we are shown- not real life. Celebrities and those in the public lie will not always post real, honest images. But that’s part of a job. It’s their vocation. It’s more than ok. It’s also OK that we publish what we want online, whether it’s real or fake. What’s wrong is the judgements that people then have. It’s the online bullying. It’s even avoiding someone in real life because of what they publish.
Don’t get me wrong, I fear each and every post I publish will end up with judgement about me for having these issues. But with each and every post I have put up, I’ve had people get in touch and not sympathise, but relate. People relate to what I’m writing, but haven’t ever put their thoughts and feelings into words and that’s perfectly fine, I just hope that through my experiences and thoughts that it can help anyone out there not feel so alone, not be so afraid or left hopeless. I want to leave people feeling hopeful. I want people to read this and learn something positive, that we are all in this crazy world together and together we can achieve great things. Like overcoming horrid mental health problems and creating a lot more love and kindness in the world.
Always choose kindness.
Instead of judging people through what you see online or even in person, before thinking you know someone- always choose to be kind. Always choose kindness. Be careful about the words you say and how you treat someone. You think you know what’s going on in someone’s life but next time, just think twice before shutting someone out, or rolling your eyes at their behaviour. I think we all just need to be kinder to everyone, to absolutely everyone we meet. If you see someone struggling with the kids screaming down the road, don’t judge them for being a bad mum because you have no idea what is really going on. Or if you see someone who usually posts plenty of happy showing off posts on their Facebook, but then they suddenly, they put up a little cry for help through something else- Don’t necessarily think that they are after attention, think actually they want help. Be kind, check if that person is okay.
We constantly tell our children, “If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all” I think this is a lesson most adults have forgotten.
In any social interaction, please always choose to be kind. Without kindness, what would this world be?
We only capture and post what we want people to see.
Get in touch, I would love to hear from you. Just pop a comment in the box provided. Don’t forget to follow the Facebook page (link is at the top of the page) I usually post a few bits in between blog posts on there all in the theme of positivity and mental health. If you liked this post or agreed with the issue above, please do like and share the post.
I am sure that this will be one of the hardest blog posts I write, mainly because I wouldn’t want to offend anyone close to me. You see- that right there- worrying about offending someone- is what can make social lives difficult for those suffering from anxiety.
I am lucky, I have some decent, amazing friends around me. Some closer than others. But each one as important and serving a unique purpose in my life. But this doesn’t mean that having a social life comes easy, I am sure anyone else suffering from anxiety knows what I mean.
I constantly over analyse my social experiences.
Even with people that aren’t friends, be it a fellow Mum in the park or someone in the queue at the School gates. I come home and I am questioning what I should have said and shouldn’t have. I know many people do this- but still…. it can be exhausting. Because at the end of the day, it’s all been said and done and if someone didn’t like me or what I had to say then they aren’t worth my worries. Any friend, any true friend would see past any blunders or embarrassments. And any random person I spoke to, probably didn’t think twice about what I said. Most wouldn’t even notice or think much about certain things said or done. But that still doesn’t stop my mind from thinking about it.
You question whether you’ve offended anyone, come across as embarrassing, hurt someones feelings or just looked like an idiot in front of them. You then worry that they may not even want to see you again. And then you don’t want to come across as needy, you just don’t like to displease.
Making new friends.
If someone with anxiety has made new friends, this is an achievement, because it is hard to open up to new people, to be confident and forward enough to engage and ask to meet up. So when I have made friends and they’ve become a part of my life, and I’ve let them in, I wouldn’t want to risk loosing them. So I am constantly striving to please those around me, to make sure I am present and keeping in contact and making the effort to see them. Once I’ve opened myself up, I don’t need a person, but this person has privilege. Because I don’t open up to many and I don’t let many in.
Mindfulness and anxiety books have taught me in the past that once your brain is hooked on one way of thinking, future thoughts tend to be steered in that direction- so if you are worried about a friend and whether they still want to hang out with you or if you have anything negative going on- you will then start to question all of your other friends and situations too. This is horrible and most of the worries are unfounded. Luckily, most of the time I try to remain level headed. But I also have to trust my gut. And when my worries are unfounded, I should not feel ashamed of the anxious thoughts and feelings, but rather recognise that I am human, we all make mistakes and we are not mind readers. And if we aren’t feeling confident enough to ask or be bold in a situation, that’s all we’re left with. I have some lovely and understanding friends who are patient with me, but in return I know that I also raise them up in the areas of life they feel down about.
I try to believe that what is meant to be, will be. And that anything that isn’t, I need to learn to let go.
I try harder now, to trust the freedom of friendships. As we’ve gotten older, friendships are far harder to maintain due to all of the different lifestyles we have, the different journey of life we are all taking. Some people work full time, others are stay at home mums, some people are single, others are married. Some people move away, others go travelling. Everyone goes off to be an adult and do their own thing. Sometimes it feels like we can be ‘left behind’ but this really isn’t the case. It is just the natural ebb and flow of life. Instead, I trust now that the true friends that are meant to be in my life, will be, no matter how often we go without talking or seeing each other. Ok, at times I may worry, but I try to remind myself that it will do no good. All I can be is myself. The right ones for me, that suit me will always stay.
When you suffer with something like anxiety too, quality is definitely needed.
If you have a quality friendship with someone, then when you are in an anxious mood or feeling overwhelmed and you have plans, your friend will understand if you seem ‘off’ or most of the time for me- just by being in their presence helps me to snap out of it and escape the prisons of my mind that anxiety puts me in. Ok, at times I get nervous going out, but I push myself to do it still. To help me to conquer this anxiety. To help make me even stronger.
My friends have helped me to become stronger. They have believed in me, even when I didn’t. They have been there for me in more ways than they will ever realise. I appreciate every park trip with a fellow Mum, every coffee out, every dinner out, every drink out and I appreciate every single time someone takes time to see me. Life is busy and we all have to prioritise. So when a friend chooses to spend some of their precious time, which we all know goes too quickly, with me- I feel lucky. Lucky to have people around me that make me smile everyday, laugh, have someone to turn to and I also love to be there for them too. To cheer them up and to show them how great they are. I love to make things for my friends, I love to help where I can. I think friendship has to be a two way thing, and as much as my friends make an effort with me, I make it back. I will always be there for those that need me.
Sometimes I wonder if my friends find my anxiety off-putting.
To be quite honest, I don’t bring it up much- that’s just another trick anxiety likes to play with our minds. Plus, in today’s world- where suicide rates are increasing at an alarming rate- I would be saddened to find if a friend did let it bother them rather than them be more empathetic as this is something I personally have to battle with. I certainly would never judge anybody for having anxiety– whether they get nervous about going to a certain place, or whether they like to check in and have some reassurance from me. Too many people hide away their anxiety- this is something that needs to stop and I think true friends are the exact people you should open up to. Real friends would never judge.
Friendships can be difficult when you suffer with anxiety.
Sometimes you feel like you just want to put on a brave face and hide it away. Somedays that’s the right thing, other days, don’t be afraid to turn to someone you trust for help. Any decent person would not turn their back on you.
A golden rule too- is never to compare your social life to others. We have all walked different paths in life- and continue to do so. Some have had more opportunities than others. Popularity as an adult is meaningless. Kindness, love and compassion in a person are far better qualities. Remember that social media is a highlight reel of someone’s life and not an accurate representation. There are no rules to having a social life. You can have as many or as little friends as you want. And you can see them and be social as much or as little as you want.
Although at times I find having a social life difficult- from feeling anxious about certain plans to worrying about upsetting friends or losing them- it’s important to keep trying. Because my friends have pushed me into situations that I never thought I’d be in (not in a horrible bossy way) but they’ve shown me my strengths, they’ve metaphorically held my hand and been so supportive. If it wasn’t for an old friend of mine, whom I’ve recently become close with again, I would never have started this blog and I am so glad I have because mental health isn’t discussed enough and now I realise it’s nothing to be ashamed of. My friends have given me so many memories and good times and they continue to do so. Recently, I went to a Drive In Movies with a friend- I was so nervous but she made it one of the best evenings because I was comfortable with her, she made me feel at ease. Now I am striving so hard to trust friendships more and the freedom in life. I will always be open to old, new or present friends to have a spot in my life and to be there for them- for the good and the bad times. I know that the right friends for me- the ones that raise me up, boost my happiness, give me strength and a shoulder to cry on- will always be there. Even when friends come and go, what’s meant to be will be.
To my friends that make this journey in life more joyful- thank you. I love you all.
What are your greatest challenges when it comes to having a social life? Get in touch, I would love to hear your experiences.
Don’t forget to click and follow me on my Facebook page (Link is above) and hit subscribe to join me on this journey of well being, raising awareness and talking about mental health.
Whilst I’ve suffered with anxiety over the past 4 years, I have struggled to think of my future and what that would entail. I think anxiety feeds of the fear of the unknown and the future certainly seems like this big scary unknown monster that’s lurking in the depths of the darkness ahead. Behind is light, even though I know there have been struggles, I’ve overcome them. And currently I’m stood in sticky mud. It’s hard to trudge forward to take a glimpse of this monster. It’s hard to think about whether, actually, this monster could turn out to be more like Mike from Monsters Inc rather than a creature from Eight Legged Freaks.
So, last year, I wrote a list. I wrote a list about what I want I want my future to look like in 10 years time. I haven’t looked back at that list but today I thought I’d take a glimpse and share it with you. This is what I would like my life to look like in 10 years;
Happy. Genuinely happy. Not chasing the idea of happiness or what I think it will take to be happy, but just feeling happiness on a daily basis. Being mindful to the point where the simple things create smiles on my face and laughter in my soul. Not faking it and not trying to say once something else is achieved then I’ll be happy. I just want to feel happiness.
My anxieties will be under control. By being under control, I will be able to achieve so much socially and professionally in my life instead of living in constant worry and fear.
The boys will be healthy and happy teenagers. My children are my everything. I hope that at this point in their life, where adulthood is impending, that they can confide in me. I want to be a constructive parent but also their best friend. I want to have so much fun with them.
I will own my own house. I’d love for the house to have character and style. I can not wait to say that I am a home owner. It seems so far off but I would love it that in 10 years it could become possible.
I’ll have achieved my dream job; I will be working from home as a writer. Again, something that feels so far off but I will work so hard to make come true.
My family will still mean the world to me. I am an Aunty now and I would love it that my boys and my nephew grow up close and become amazing friends.
Friendship worries won’t concern me as much. I hope that I will have a better ability of letting friendships come and go in my life. I hope that I will still have some quality friendships. But I also hope that I start to enjoy my own company more and that I don’t seek happiness from seeing friends frequently and that I am able to see them as often as needed.
I’ll be driving and have my own car. Right now we don’t have a second car but I hope one day we are able to afford one and that I have the confidence to run it around.
My sense of style will have improved. I am always envious of how others dress but I let my self confidence get in the way with trying new styles and outfits. One day I hope I can fake the confidence long enough to start believing it so that I can start to dress better. And to enjoy it.
I will have a healthy weight. I worry that all of my life I will be battling with losing weight, currently I am on a mission to lose almost 2 stone. I hope that I am successful and that I can keep it off and maintain a healthy weight. But I hope that I have body confidence anyway.
I will have a pet cat, or 2. My boys and myself would love to have a pet cat, let’s hope it happens sometime!
I won’t be lonely. I fear loneliness but I hope that in 10 years that I will be surrounded by family and a few good friends.
By planning the future, I believe that I give myself the hope I need. Everyone needs hope. Sometimes I get stuck in my life rut and I’m so afraid of the future but by positively imagining how it could be, it gives me that hope, to keep going, to keep battling this anxiety until I finally beat it and have control over it. Let’s hope my 10 years goals and dreams come true.
What are your goals for 10 years time? Do you find picturing the future helps with anxiety? Or do you rather take life as it comes? Pop a comment below, I would love to hear from you.
Social media is such a difficult subject to touch on. But I think it’s a really important one. I have really mixed feelings when it comes to social media, in particular Facebook.
Without it, I wouldn’t have what I call an external memory drive for my photos, should my laptop or phone ever break at the same time. I wouldn’t have a way of communicating with some people. I wouldn’t be able to see how school friends, uni friends, family and all the other people that have passed through my life are getting on. I wouldn’t get entertainment or news or articles so fast.
But then I also wouldn’t compare quite so much.
I wouldn’t worry about my social status through the perception of how many likes, comments or friends I had on there.
I wouldn’t be scrolling in a quite happy and content mood to see something that evokes jealousy, sadness or hurt which then instantly throws my mood upside down and makes me sulk into myself, barely muttering a word to my husband for the rest of the evening when he has done nothing wrong.
Some of the happiest people I know are those that barely use their social media or don’t have it at all.
Yes, it’s great for a cute video on cats or celebrity memes to circulate but is it great for your mental health?
This is such a complex issue. I have a love hate relationship with it. I enjoy social media, but I don’t enjoy the effect it can have on so many people’s mental health.
I watched the most insightful video last year about Facebook and the endorphin dopermine it realises in the body when you get a like. It is proven to be addictive. Which is scary. Maybe a more realistic view of social media is what I need.
One golden rule to happiness is to not compare your life to someone else’s. But how hard is this when social media is right there at our finger tips? When someone has anxiety, and you feel low about something, naturally your brain will then pick up on other things to support your upsetting mood and anxious mind. So a trip on social media is the worst thing. Soon enough, I find myself comparing everything. From how successful others appear to be, how happy they seem, how social, how much they go out, what holidays they go on, where they live, what job they do. And my humble little life seems so small, so insignificant. It doesn’t seem good enough.
But when I am in a good mood, I am so proud of everything I have. And pull me away from all of those comparisons, how do I feel then? I love my life. My family. My friends. I really truly do. But Facebook is everyones highlight reels. How many times do you see uplifting posts compared to negative ones? I’ve had friends knowingly be upset and they have spoken to me about why they’re upset but they put a post on Facebook saying the complete opposite thing- according to their posts, they appear to be happy, in love, successful, motivated and like nothing is bothering them. When I know it is.
Despite this knowledge, despite being guilty of doing this myself and seeing friends do it, I often forget that it is a highlight reel. Not many people put their dirty laundry on Facebook.
I’ve even sat there and pondered, why does x have more friends on there? Or even in real life? Why does y get more followers on their page? Why does z have more comments and likes? They have thousands, why don’t I?
At the end of the day, none of that should really matter. A friend sent me this interesting quote;
I think this counts for all social media. And I can totally relate, I know people with hundreds of followers, or ones that get hundreds of likes, yet live a very humble and quiet life. Then I know some very social people that either don’t really use their social media, or when they do, they don’t get much “attention” on it, shall we say?
A huge thing with comparing your life, be it your on or offline life or how many likes and friends on there you have, is that everyone is unique. That is what makes life so interesting. We have all had different upbringings. And particularly with the age we are at now, we have all been through such different walks of life already; whether some went to university, some travelled, some had babies early, some had a career. So how can we possibly compare? Some have friends that enjoy engaging in social media everyday. I know the tight circle around me doesn’t. Which I think does help to keep me grounded actually. Not many of my friends or family engage on social media, whether on their own or commenting or liking mine. It doesn’t mean they don’t ‘like’ me, it means that our connection goes deeper than that. In a world that is being taken over by technology and social media, I am trying my best to focus on REAL connections rather than false likes.
The worst part of social media is when you try to be genuine on it, you try to comment and like friends from the past’s posts. And it is a kick in the teeth when it feels like it is never reciprocated. Sometimes I wonder why I bother? Why do I like x’s post when they never like mine? Why do I follow what they put? Why do I try to message and engage in a REAL conversation when it is never returned?
I don’t really have an answer for any of that. I don’t know why. But it boils down, once again, to everyone being different. We don’t all have the same heart, time or priorities. We don’t all use social media in the same way, so perhaps an old friend from school may see my posts, appreciate them but not like them as they don’t feel the need to. Why do I? This is where I need to step outside of the social media bubble and think…. do I really want to let this tear me down? Make my anxieties worse? Or do I just want to rise above it?
We know it is a highlight reel, we know that likes, comments and followers aren’t a real reflection of someones life and social circle. Although I don’t know why effort on social media doesn’t go both ways, I do know that I can only be myself. I will continue to like posts, to comment, because that is just who I am. I care. Everyone I have on my social media, I have had some sort of connection with in the past and to me, if they’ve been a part of this scary but wonderful journey of life, then I care. You can never regret being kind and friendly. Even when it isn’t returned. Especially when it isn’t returned. My anxieties have turned me into a far more thoughtful person and that is my silver lining.
The other thing about all of this social media madness, is that it makes me realise that this blog and the awareness I am trying to give to mental health and anxiety is more important than ever. I want to show the raw side to life. It isn’t always peachy. It isn’t always the highlight reel that you see online. No, I do not douse my social media in depressing posts. But what I will do is continue this blog and my Facebook page- because if anyone else feels this way, I want you to know that you are not alone.
We can all feel sadness and hurt from social media. Whether its from the issues above, or whether its because seeing past friends moving on with their life can hurt. Social media is a constant reminder of what was, what could have been and what now is. Sometimes this quite frankly sucks.
Social media though, can do a lot of good too. Some of my close friends live hours away and social media allows me to keep up with their lives and lets me keep in touch via messenger. It allows me to see what family and friends are up to and to be able to tag them in comical memes or share events in the local area.
But now, it is time to put boundaries in place.
From now on, I am to never allow social media to tear down a happy mood again. Mindfulness has taught me that I can feel hurt when I see something, but that I should let this feeling happen and past, instead of absorbing myself in it. Instead of allowing a status or photo someone has put up to consume me. It’s time I let myself feel a pang of hurt but let it go and focus on REAL life.
I will never compare my REAL life with that of someone’s social media life. To not compare likes, friends, followers and comments- as we all know, our lives and friendship circles are different so that will naturally reflect. I promise to never use social media as a weapon in friendships.
What I will do is be more REAL on my social media. And focus more on REAL life, real friends, real family and real connections. To not consume my time and energy online but to indulge in the everyday normal simple pleasures in life. And I will continue to try and help anyone else suffering with anxiety.
Does any of this resonate with you? Does social media get you down? Follow me on Facebook (link on the page) to follow how I get on with a month of putting these new boundaries in place. Will they help? Will using social media get easier? Will time away from it help? Comment below, I would love to hear from you.